It's important to respond to an invitation
Wedding invitations are sent to all guests containing information that is important to them. A beautiful postcard indicates the location of the banquet, the style of the wedding, and any additional conditions, for example, the opportunity to bring children with you.
It is important to be able to read the invitation correctly in order to understand whether you are expected alone or accompanied. If the invitation states that “Marina and Oleg with children” or “the Lebedev family” are invited to the event, it means that they want to see you at the holiday in full, including your children. If the card contains only two names, and nothing is said about the children, then they will need to be left at home.
Only your name mentioned in the invitation indicates that they want to see you alone at the banquet. If there is a number “+1” next to the name, it means that you are allowed to take a companion, which can be any person. Be sure to notify the organizer that you will take advantage of the opportunity to take one more guest with you.
It is strictly forbidden to bring other people to the holiday without permission. The number of guests is calculated in advance, so in this way you will put the newlyweds in an awkward position when they do not have enough space for all the people who come.
After receiving the invitation, thank the newlyweds and confirm your presence at the celebration. If you have unforeseen circumstances that prevent you from attending the celebration, please inform the newlyweds in advance so that they do not take you into account when booking a restaurant.
Wedding etiquette for newlyweds and guests: 20 rules
There are questions that you won’t find answers to in books and that your friends won’t answer. These are questions concerning modern etiquette - including wedding etiquette. Wedding
talks about the rules of good manners for both newlyweds and their guests.
Rules for newlyweds:
1.
If you have not yet decided on the exact list of guests, and the engagement party or bachelorette party is about to take place, you should not invite people you doubt. It will be very strange (and offensive) to invite them to the evening, but not to the wedding itself.
2.
Preparing a list of gifts that you want to receive is quite normal and even correct. We told you why here (and even offered options on what to include in the wishlist). But you shouldn't send it along with a wedding invitation. Do this separately in electronic form.
3.
Do not invite guests to your wedding via SMS, Facebook or WhatsApp messages, and especially not on Instagram. Some traditions should still remain. For example, it is a tradition to send paper invitation cards, which are nice to keep as a keepsake. Even if you want to do without them, it is better to call the guest or call a meeting and invite them in a personal conversation.
4.
If you know the name of your guest companion, include it in the invitation. This will make them feel truly welcome.
5.
Get your parents' permission for the wedding, let's not use the word "blessing." This is not just a nice tradition that is now beginning to be forgotten, but also a nice gesture that will strengthen the relationship between future relatives.
6.
And now about finances, probably the most sensitive issue of preparing a wedding. If you insist on a specific design for your bridesmaid dresses, you will be paid for. Otherwise, you can set a color scheme to stick to, and then your girlfriends will be in charge of the dresses themselves. Also, if you spend the morning getting ready together, the makeup artist must apply makeup and do everyone’s hair.
7.
Don't forget to invite the wedding planner, photographer, videographer and other professionals who helped organize your celebration to the wedding table.
8.
If someone sends you a gift, you should send them a thank you card. A thoughtful, handwritten note is always better.
9.
On a wedding day, it is customary not only to accept gifts, but also to give them. Prepare small memorable compliments for guests.
Rules for guests:
10.
Don't say yes if there's a chance you won't be able to attend the wedding. If you are unsure or need more time, explain everything to the couple. Otherwise, later it can become a headache for both you and the newlyweds.
11.
Wedding invitations usually indicate a response time. Try not to break it. Believe me, it is important for the bride to know the approximate number of guests as early as possible in order to start planning the wedding.
12.
Don’t spend the entire ceremony on your phone, even if there are strangers at the table with you. This is not a reason to go on social networks, communicate, make useful contacts. This is a holiday for you too, your friends want you to become a full part of it, and not sit on social networks.
13.
If the invitation specifically states that you are invited without children, do not ask if you can bring your own. If the invitation is unclear whether children are invited or not, check with the couple.
14.
If the invitation does not indicate that you can come with your partner, then accept that you were invited alone and try to explain everything to your significant other. It's best not to ask the couple to make an exception for you.
15.
Remember that you can give gifts other than those listed. But if you are not sure that your friends will like them and will be useful, then it is better to stick to the list.
16.
Arrive to wedding events on time. It's just common courtesy.
17.
Don't miss the official ceremony if you have received an invitation to both parts of the wedding. Of course, the party is also an important part of the event, but the ceremony at the altar is especially touching.
18.
Silence your phone during the wedding. Imagine a couple saying their vows and your cell phone ringing at the most inopportune moment. All eyes (far from friendly) are directed at you.
19.
Don't wear a white dress (unless asked). Since white is reserved for the bride, stay away from light pastels, champagne and ivory.
20.
Don't abuse alcohol. A couple of cocktails at the bar, but know your limit so as not to ruin the wedding and relationships with friends. Rest assured that you can get home safely at the end of the night.
Photo: Lyubov Chulyaeva
Dress code for a wedding
Attending a wedding requires strict adherence to the rules regarding the choice of clothing. The dress code for a wedding has its own characteristics. Currently, weddings that have a certain style and are kept in the same color are becoming increasingly popular, from the elements of decorating the banquet hall to the dresses of the bridesmaids. Dresses of the same color for bridesmaids are a feature of foreign weddings. However, recently she has been popular among Russian brides.
Weddings can be themed or in one specific style, for example, Greek. In this case, the newlyweds inform the guests what form of clothing is required of them. These can be dresses and suits of a certain color, or plain accessories that are the same for all guests. The theme of the wedding must be indicated in the invitation so that guests can think about their outfit.
If the wedding is not thematic, but ordinary, you can choose any outfit that does not go against wedding etiquette. Girls can wear both dresses and suits.
It is important to pay attention to the length of the skirts - maxi and midi lengths are preferred. Too deep cutouts on dresses and provocative decorations are considered bad form.
Representatives of the fair sex should look fresh, beautiful and decent, but not overshadow the bride's beauty. According to etiquette, men choose classic suits, the color of which depends on the season. The guest decides for himself whether to complement the suit with a tie or bow tie.
There are restrictions on the color of clothing. Women should not wear white dresses or outfits in shades that match the bride's dress (if the newlywed, for example, chose a beige wedding dress). Black dresses are not welcome at a wedding, but such attire can be chosen if it is decorated with accessories or complemented with faux fur coats.
Men are not allowed to wear black suits with white shirts, or suits of the same color as the groom's clothes. As for shoes, girls can wear shoes, sandals, boots, the main thing is that they are in harmony with the outfit. Small handbags are acceptable: clutches decorated with rhinestones or embroidery are ideal. When creating hairstyles, the use of fresh flowers is not recommended.
What is customary to give for a wedding?
It is not customary to come to a wedding without a gift, since according to etiquette such behavior is considered bad manners. The most popular wedding gift is a sum of money in an envelope. Wedding etiquette does not set a certain amount for a gift; it depends only on the financial capabilities of the person and his desires. You can give not only money, but an item that no one needs will bring joy to either the newlyweds or the donor.
Find out in advance what newlyweds may need at the beginning of their married life. Maybe you want to donate some equipment or household equipment.
The newlyweds decide for themselves how gifts will be presented. Usually a table is set aside for gifts, and guests give their gifts, toasting the newlyweds at the beginning of the holiday. Large gifts, for example, a stove or a bed, are brought home to the newlyweds; the host only announces the presence of such gifts at the event. According to etiquette, it is not necessary to buy a bouquet of flowers; each guest independently determines whether such a gift is needed or not.
Late
Often the wedding celebration starts late, even though it has been carefully prepared for a long time. According to etiquette, guests being late is bad manners and unacceptable. They should arrive at the place ten to fifteen minutes before the start of the holiday. If guests are late for registration due to unforeseen circumstances, they must sit quietly in the back row, without attracting the attention of others. Be sure to put your mobile phone on silent mode.
Dating and communication
At a wedding banquet you meet many previously unfamiliar people, belonging to different social strata, with different levels of education and upbringing. For this reason, conflicts of various types may arise during a banquet, especially after drinking alcoholic beverages.
Aggressive attacks and inciting conflicts are not only unacceptable, such behavior at a wedding shows complete disrespect for the newlyweds and other guests. At a wedding, everyone is required to behave with the utmost tact and courtesy towards others. Guests get to know each other and communicate on positive topics. You can have casual conversations with your tablemates on abstract topics. It is not recommended to touch upon religion, politics and nationality. You cannot take the bride or groom aside for a conversation, much less detain them for a long time.
If you have any comments regarding the organization of the wedding, you cannot discuss them with other guests. It is necessary to show respect to the people who tried to make the holiday interesting for you.
Guest list
The question “who to invite to the wedding?”
applies not only to newlyweds, but also to their parents. Firstly, your wedding is also a big holiday for them, and secondly, they are often the ones who pay most of the wedding expenses, and therefore their opinion is worth taking into account. Among those you plan to invite, there are always guests about whom you doubt. Make two lists: in one include those whom you will definitely invite to the celebration - as a rule, these are family and close friends, in the other - everyone who is in doubt. Based on your budget or the capacity of the wedding venue, supplement the first list with guests from the second.
If one of the invitees cannot come to the wedding, and the place has already been paid for, you can invite someone from the second list instead, but do not do this the day before the wedding - this will show disrespect to the guest.
Guests must be warned in advance about the possibility of children being present at the wedding. If you don't mind, include their names in the invitation, and if you don't plan to invite little guests, politely explain that your holiday is for adults only, so that parents can find a babysitter in advance.
Making a Guest List: The Basics
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Competitions and entertainment
Most of the wedding banquet consists of competitions, games and dances. The guest has the right not to take part in all competitions, but it is better to have fun. During the event, you need to demonstrate sincere fun and good mood. You shouldn’t sit at the table all the time, you need to go out on the dance floor, take part in games, laugh and be happy. Do not turn away from the operator filming the video, do not cover yourself with your purse or hand.
The newlyweds are pleased to know that everyone enjoys the holiday, as evidenced by the activity of the guests and their sincere smiles. Newlyweds are always worried about the quality of the banquet, so your task is to assure them that everything is going well and not boring.
Venue of the celebration
Surely you spent a lot of money to organize the holiday on the first day, but few people’s budget will tolerate such a load on the second day.
The amount of money spent directly depends on the venue. Here are some options:
1.In nature. A second outdoor wedding day will be an excellent option for those who cannot stay indoors for more than one day when the weather is good outside.
You can rent an outdoor pool and cool off there and continue competitions, games and photo sessions.
You can rent a ship and celebrate the second day on it, or you can just enjoy nature.
You can go out into the countryside, into the village, or just have a picnic with a guitar, songs, jokes and competitions and comic prizes as souvenirs. Use your imagination, only you can know what is acceptable for your guests.
Important: check the weather forecast and plan in advance what to do if it rains. It is better to order a large tent or awning. Even if it doesn’t rain, guests will be able to sit under it during the sun.
2.Restaurant. You can continue in the restaurant. But it’s better, of course, to change the situation.
Competitions for the second wedding day or “The fun continues!”
No matter how strange it may seem to you, the number of competitions should increase, due to the fact that there will no longer be an official part with marriage registration.
Competition “Who is more economical?” The main theme of the title will be a young woman in the role of the mistress of the house, and her husband is the owner. Who said that only the wife should be able to do everything around the house?
The newlyweds will compete in peeling potatoes (who is faster, who is longer (cuts the peel in a circle), who sweeps better/knows more ways to sew on a button, tie a tie, etc.
Toast at a wedding according to the rules of etiquette
According to the rules of etiquette, parents of the newlyweds, close relatives and witnesses must make a toast at a wedding banquet. The rest of the guests congratulate the newlyweds if they wish. If you want to make a toast, plan your speech in advance. A long congratulation will not do, which will make the guests tired. A short toast in which you say a few sincere words is appropriate. You should not include poetic works, jokes and other cliches in your speech; the best congratulations for young people will be words spoken from the heart.
The congratulations cannot mention the past relationships of the newlyweds, their state of health, deceased relatives, or any negative events. Also, refrain from making jokes on vulgar topics, do not say anything about a possible addition to the family, and do not make your speech a laudatory ode to yourself.
Time to leave
The time spent in a cafe or restaurant is clearly agreed upon in advance; young people pay money for a certain number of hours, so etiquette strictly prohibits guests from staying longer than a certain limit. Such a departure from the schedule will result in additional financial costs for the newlyweds. If you come to a wedding with your children, keep in mind that the little guests will quickly get tired and you will have to go home earlier than expected. Continuing to be at a banquet with naughty kids who cause inconvenience is bad form.
If you are a witness
Nowadays, the presence of witnesses is not at all necessary, but many newlyweds, out of old memory, continue to award a similar title to their closest friends. Witnesses help the newlyweds organize the celebration, actively participate in bachelor and hen parties, and play almost the main role during the bride price. Groomsmen help the bride and groom get ready on their wedding day.
During the banquet, witnesses provide moral support to the newlyweds and help resolve issues that arise if there is no coordinator in charge of the celebration. The bridesmaid has a little more responsibilities, as she monitors the appearance of her friend, helps to go to the restroom, correct her makeup, carries a purse with essentials and a change of shoes. If you have been offered the honorary role of a witness, discuss with the newlyweds in advance what functions you will be assigned.
What to do before the official wedding
First of all, the solemn day begins with the awakening of the bride and groom - each in their own apartment, or with their parents and other relatives. From the very morning, a witness should come to the groom, and a witness to the bride, to help get ready and not forget anything.
When everyone is already dressed and the images are finished, at a certain hour the groom goes to pick up his beloved. Traditionally, the bridesmaid and bridesmaids prepare the ransom. This is a very fun and interesting ritual, during which all young people gather.
The groom is not allowed to enter the bride's house. Numerous tasks and questions have been invented for him, the entire entrance is decorated with posters and balloons. A witness can conduct the ransom, but you can also hire a professional toastmaster.
Competitions should be interesting and funny, but you need to try not to put the groom in an awkward position, because today he is the hero of the day, he needs to be in front of everyone. The witness must ensure that he and the groom have enough money for the ransom. They will need to be exchanged first; there should be a lot of bills.
After passing numerous tests, the groom is finally able to see his bride. For an Orthodox union, it is very important to receive a blessing from parents. The moment when parents bless their children for marriage is very touching. This is one of the most beautiful wedding rituals.
The blessing takes place immediately after the ransom. The bride's parents are the first to bless the groom. In some cases, godparents may also be invited.
For this ritual you need to buy certain icons, which will become the main ones in the young family. They will protect the family hearth.
After this ceremony is completed, everyone present is offered a glass of champagne and you can safely go to the registry office. At the registry office, the marriage is officially registered, the young family receives its first common document - a marriage certificate.
Most guests come here. The invitation must indicate the name of the registry office and the address where it is located. It is not customary to say anything during the registrar's official speech. Everyone must remain quiet and remain calm.
Of course, this moment is very touching, which is why at almost every wedding someone cries. The ceremonial speech ends with affixing signatures in the registration book. After this, according to tradition, the groom can kiss the bride.
Afterwards, all the guests congratulate the young family, who have secured their relationship at the legislative level. The marriage process takes no more than 30 minutes. Now it is enough for only the bride and groom to come to the registry office. Even witnesses are not required.
How should the groom behave at a wedding?
The groom should not be nervous, since he is now the head of the family and is responsible for the overall course of the wedding. In addition, the bride who finds herself in the center of attention needs his support, who may feel awkward and confused, worrying about the appearance and progress of the celebration. The groom supports his beloved, says warm words to her, sends tender glances and is kind to the girl who has received the status of his wife.
The groom is prohibited from using alcoholic drinks as a sedative. A drunk groom at a wedding is a terrible sight. It's better to give up alcohol completely to have a clear mind, but you can also drink a glass of champagne.
The groom must not be late when he goes to pick up the bride. Any delay can ruin the bride’s mood for the whole day, because a worried girl interprets it differently. In addition, the fact that you will have to rush to the registry office, trying to make it by the appointed time, will not add joy to anyone.
The newly-made husband must support the bride in everything, dance with her, not enter into disputes or conflicts with guests, and participate in a photo shoot.
Tradition is bitter at a wedding
Shouts of “Bitter!” calling newlyweds to kiss is a purely Russian phenomenon. At almost every wedding you can hear these cheerful exclamations. Where did this custom come from?
Oddly enough, this word, according to one version of historians, has nothing to do with kissing. Initially, the bride’s duties included honorably serving all guests with vodka or another strong alcoholic drink. Those present took glasses from the tray, giving money or other valuable gifts in return, after which they drank the offering and shouted “Bitter!” as a sign that the drink was really strong and went well.
The second version is closer in meaning to the modern custom: this word was shouted by guests during the kiss of the bride and groom to ward off evil spirits. It was believed that the evil spirits, deceived by the exclamations of the guests, would not harm the newlyweds, because they were, after all, having a hard time. According to the third legend, the guests warned the bride and groom with their exclamations that the wine was bitter and should be sweetened with a strong, sweet kiss.
How should a bride behave at a wedding?
How to behave correctly at a newlywed's wedding? The behavior of the bride at the wedding depends on the characteristics of her nationality. Many peoples have completely opposite ideas about the rules of conduct for a newlywed at a wedding. In many cases, a girl is obliged to sit at the table all evening, showing her modesty.
However, if we talk about modern weddings, not burdened with national flavor, then the bride is allowed more and more liberties. She can change her fluffy dress to a more comfortable outfit so that she can dance comfortably. The girl does not have to dance the whole evening only with the groom; she is allowed to dance with guests as well. However, the newlyweds discuss this nuance among themselves in advance so that there is no misunderstanding between them at the wedding.
The bride can have fun, dance and take an active part in the course of her wedding. However, everything should have a limit and one should not forget about decency.
Table etiquette – what should you remember?
There are a lot of rules regarding a wedding banquet. Here you not only need to remember the list of guests and seat everyone correctly, but also behave appropriately during the entire event. These rules are necessary not only for newlyweds, but also for guests. It is especially important to comply with the requirements when the banquet is already in full swing and a large amount of alcohol has been drunk.
It is important to remember the following rules:
- the first toast belongs to the bride's parents, this is the traditional beginning of the banquet;
- wedding toasts are pronounced while standing, the newlyweds are also required to stand at this moment;
- guests must comply with the dress code, dress moderately, in a business-like manner;
- glasses cannot be raised too high, you need to hold them by the stem;
- It is forbidden to eat with your hands, in this case all the rules of restaurant etiquette apply;
- Seating of guests plays a significant role, look at the traditional layouts;
- You should not drink large amounts of alcohol, as this will turn the wedding into an unpleasant event.
You must always remember how each participant in the event should behave. The groom must remain sober, always look after the bride, and help her in everything. The role of witnesses is important; they constantly provide support to the young couple and help with all important stages of the event. The parents of the bride and groom at the wedding not only say the first toasts, but also help the children during the banquet event.
At whose expense is the wedding?
At the first stage of planning the celebration, the newlyweds will have to face the question of who will pay for what. Wedding etiquette has its own instructions on this matter. We will not take into account national characteristics, but will focus on the general rules of modern weddings. Typically, the bride's parents are responsible for paying for:
- full outfit of the newlywed: wedding dress, shoes, jewelry, veil;
- hair and makeup;
- invitations;
- banquet hall decoration service;
- host and musical accompaniment of the event;
- car rental.
Accordingly, the groom's parents must pay:
- groom's attire: suit, shirt, shoes, bow tie or tie;
- the bride's bouquet;
- wedding rings;
- celebration in a restaurant.
Wedding etiquette allows both parties to split all expenses in half. In the modern world, newlyweds are increasingly paying for their wedding themselves, or only partially resorting to the help of their parents. Then it becomes more difficult to distribute expenses. It all depends on what conditions both parties agree on with the parents.
The only thing that remains unchanged is that the one who pays for the celebration has a strong say in its organization. For this reason, the bride and groom most often prefer to pay for the wedding themselves in order to do everything exactly the way they want.
Wedding banquet
According to tradition, the newlyweds must be seated at the wedding table by an older relative who leads them around the table three times. After all the guests are seated, the wedding feast begins. The toastmaster or host makes an introductory speech and makes the first toast in honor of the newlyweds.
Next come congratulations and instructions from the parents of the bride and groom and from the witnesses. It’s the turn of the newlyweds’ first dance, and then the process of congratulations and presenting gifts from friends and relatives continues. It is necessary to take breaks between congratulations so that guests can relax and taste the wedding treats. Fun competitions and dances are needed for everyone's entertainment and fun. Traditional forms of entertainment include stealing the bride's shoe or the bride herself.
The ceremonial removal of the wedding cake symbolizes the closing of the wedding day. The first piece of wedding cake is traditionally given to the parents, and subsequent pieces are distributed to the guests present. You can hold an auction to sell the first piece of the wedding cake.
Then the ceremony of lighting the family hearth and the final dance of the newlyweds is held. They also need, before leaving the banquet, in a final speech to thank all those present for doing the honor to the newlyweds by coming to the wedding celebration.
National features of wedding etiquette
Each national wedding has its own characteristics, which seem interesting or strange to many. At a traditional Russian wedding, it is customary to block the path of the wedding procession, bathe the bride, release doves and distribute candy to children in the yard before going to the registry office. After the wedding ceremony, the mother-in-law removes the veil from the bride, thereby showing that she is accepting a new member into her family. An ancient Russian custom that is still popular today involves welcoming newlyweds who arrive from the registry office with bread and salt. The bride and groom take a bite of the loaf. Whoever has the larger piece will be the head of the family.
A European wedding is radically different from a Russian one. To begin with, the groom proposes to the bride - an official engagement occurs. A few days before the wedding, a bachelorette and bachelor party are held, as well as a pre-wedding photo shoot. On the wedding day, the newlyweds meet at the place where the marriage takes place. After the ceremony, photography is organized, then the newlyweds and guests spend time at a buffet organized outdoors. Various competitions and quizzes are held in a relaxed manner. After the event, the newlyweds leave for the hotel or immediately go on their honeymoon. European weddings show the good taste of the newlyweds.
According to the customs of Kazakh weddings, the groom pays a ransom for the bride, which is called “kalym”. In ancient times, the groom's family had to present forty-seven head of cattle to the bride's parents. Currently, this custom is only partially observed - instead of livestock, a gift bag is presented, inside of which there are forty-seven different small items. The tradition that has survived to this day is for parents to help young people. The bride collects a dowry, which consists of bed linen, dishes, carpets and other household items. The groom's parents give him money to buy furniture. According to ancient Kazakh traditions, the bride's dress should be red, but now it is allowed to choose a white robe.
Asian weddings also have their own characteristics. For example, in Thailand, a bride can change about ten outfits during the celebration. Black is not allowed at weddings because it is worn by widows. It is strictly prohibited to be used in finishing a wedding dress. According to tradition, a Thai wedding should have a lot of items painted in crimson, gold and orange.
In China, red is the dominant color in wedding ceremonies. Everything here is connected with this color: the dress, rose petals, gift envelopes, wrapping paper and other details. Chinese wedding ceremonies require a lot of expenses, but they pay off, since gifts are usually given only in money. Financial assistance in the form of gifts is also provided by those relatives who are not present at the holiday.
The customs of Egypt are interesting - a country in which for the first time on earth relations between a man and a woman were legalized. This is where the marriage contract appeared, which outlines the responsibilities of the spouses.
Egyptian wedding ceremonies are associated with Islam. National dances are interesting, captivating with their colorfulness. Wedding rings in Egypt are worn on the middle finger because the heart vein passes through it, holding the newlyweds together.
Compliance with wedding etiquette on the part of the newlyweds and guests will allow you to have a pleasant time at the celebration, after which only positive memories of the celebration will remain on both sides.
Preparation for the wedding celebration
Preparatory work includes many stages, so it is recommended to start it several months before the appointed date, and the quality of the wedding depends on how carefully they are thought out.
KNOWLEDGE BASE: Wedding scenario at home - all stages
Important stages of preparation for the wedding:
- drawing up a detailed weekly training plan;
- submitting an application to the registry office;
- organization of the wedding ceremony (if it is planned by the young);
- sending out invitations;
- search for toastmaster, photographer, stylists;
- organization of decoration of the wedding procession and banquet hall;
- selection of wedding dresses for newlyweds;
- purchasing wedding rings;
- wedding dance preparation;
- ordering a wedding cake and loaf;
- drawing up a wedding day script.
How does the wedding day begin? Of course, this is a bride price.
