Long tradition
Due to inexperience, many people believe that during matchmaking it is customary to make a marriage proposal and present a ring. Not at all. Today, the matchmaking ceremony is perceived as an acquaintance between the parents of the bride and groom. This ritual, in the modern sense, is a very important event for which the parties prepare in advance: future fathers-in-law and mother-in-law buy formal outfits, and fathers-in-law and mother-in-law set rich tables.
But before everything was completely different. Not only the groom’s relatives gathered for the matchmaking ceremony. For this action, matchmakers were hired, and important negotiations fell on their shoulders, for example, matchmakers discussed the size of the bride’s dowry.
As a rule, the appearance of matchmakers was unpredictable; no one could predict this event in advance. It was believed that the effect of spontaneity would not allow the bride’s family to hide their household, or, conversely, embellish it, and at the same time, the future bride.
And one more very important nuance. The decision about the upcoming wedding (whether it will happen or not) was made not by the young (as is now happening), but by their relatives.
Rite of matchmaking with a matchmaker
If everything suited the groom's family, matchmakers were chosen. These included the boy's godparents and close relatives. In order for the agreement to proceed without delay, a matchmaker from respected and revered women of the village was invited. She skillfully negotiated with the bride's parents, praised the guy and directed the conversation in the right direction.
The matchmaker’s ability to endlessly “crack” during the ceremony concealed the embarrassment of the young and the awkwardness of the parents. Timely jokes and proverbs inserted into the conversation gave the matchmaking an unusually colorful atmosphere. Inviting a pimp to the bride's matchmaking ceremony was considered good manners, a sign of the landowner's scope. And such a service was not cheap, so it was available only to the rich class.
Traditional script
Once upon a time, the bride's matchmaking scenario involved the matchmaker visiting the potential bride's family several times. Moreover, making a decision about the upcoming wedding immediately after the first visit was considered a sign of bad taste. It's not surprising. The bride must “keep her mark”! And the relatives of the bride for matchmaking could not give the “goods” to the first person they met. However, there was a high probability that after the first visit, in case of refusal, the matchmakers would not return.
To prevent this from happening, the daughter’s parents asked for time to think, consult with other relatives, and find out more about the groom.
If everything worked out as it should, the matchmakers returned again after a few days. If the verdict was positive, the wedding date, expenses, dowry and “compensation” were discussed. After negotiations, future relatives (mother-in-law and father-in-law) were invited to visit to see where and how their beloved daughter would live now. Only after this could the groom meet his betrothed.
Competitions for guests
What they say at matchmaking from the groom's side.
The ceremony itself often became a noisy and cheerful event, which delighted everyone around. Competitions were organized upon request. Currently, this can also be done. Competitions will help future relatives get closer and get to know each other better.
One of the popular competitions was dancing in a basin. To do this, the father of the bride and the mother of the groom stood in one basin, starting to dance actively.
Competitions could also be held for young people. They especially loved having fun on the street. For example, tug of war.
Engagement tradition
After the matchmaking, which could last for more than one day, an engagement was organized. It was during the engagement that the bride and groom officially promised each other, the ring was presented, and the newlyweds exchanged vows in front of the altar and witnesses that the wedding would certainly take place according to mutual desire.
Today, engagement is a completely different event. For some, this is the moment of presenting a ring to a girl, for others - an announcement about the upcoming wedding, for others - family gatherings, during which the parents of the future spouses officially meet. And for some, engagement is considered the day when an application is submitted to the registry office. But in any case, engagement is considered the first step towards preparatory wedding events.
How to conduct matchmaking on the bride's side?
Modern youth do not make a big problem out of the bride's matchmaking ritual. It is rather necessary to meet the parents of the future young couple in order to discuss the celebration itself - the wedding. Since themed weddings are now fashionable, the matchmaking ceremony also has a certain focus.
How to conduct a modern matchmaking on the part of the bride and arrange it beautifully? Wedding agencies offer the answer to this question. Depending on the theme of the event, a holiday script is developed. If you follow the ancient traditions of our ancestors, the event can be moved to a country house. The setting of the event is being thought out, corresponding to the times of Ancient Rus'. The future groom, bride, and guests dress in spacious embroidered outfits. A mandatory attribute - icons - is held in the hands of parents.
Successful dates for matchmaking
So, first of all, decide on the day and date. It is believed that the unsuitable days for matchmaking are Wednesday and Friday. In addition, you cannot send matchmakers to the bride on the 13th. The most suitable and successful numbers are 3, 5, 7, 9.
Today they do not use special ritual objects. Previously, this action could not be done without a towel (it was embroidered in a special way, with certain designs), and special utensils. Also, the ritual took place according to a script - the speeches and actions of all relatives were prepared in advance. The girl was silent the whole time the matchmaking was going on, quietly removing the ash from the stove. She had no right to turn to the matchmakers. Today the girl simply does not leave her room.
Before the ceremony, the groom certainly prepares two bouquets. Flowers have their own symbolism, so it’s better to find out about it in advance. So, if a girl is young, it is not customary to give her lush, rich bouquets. It is better to get by with roses in delicate shades. For the mother of the bride, the bouquet should express honor, respect, and admiration.
How to get married correctly: advice to the groom
The main rule of modern matchmaking is a pre-agreed and planned date. It is unlikely that the bride's parents will be happy with unexpected guests.
The ancestors believed that the date of matchmaking should be chosen especially carefully, because it would help the newlyweds in their future married life. So, for example, it was strictly forbidden to get married on the thirteenth; the best numbers for the ceremony were considered 3, 5, 7, 9. In turn, ancestors advise choosing Tuesday or Thursday, as well as weekends, for matchmaking.
During the ceremony, it is the groom who is the center of attention. In order not to lose face, the future spouse should prepare in advance and find out how modern matchmaking works. You can always check with the bride or the older generation about the specifics of traditions.
What is required from the groom:
- Choose matchmakers. The main task of matchmakers is to praise the groom, his merits and positive aspects. Therefore, matchmakers must be “easy-going”, sociable and open. You can take on this role as close friends, as well as godparents and close relatives. If possible, choose people as matchmakers who have already had experience and know exactly how matchmaking works;
- Choosing gifts for parents. Gifts for the bride's relatives do not have to be expensive; rely solely on your financial capabilities. Present the bride's mother and chosen one with a bouquet of flowers, and the father with good alcohol or a quality purse. In order not to make a mistake with the present, it is better to find out in advance about the tastes and preferences of future relatives from the bride. Matchmakers often take fruits, alcohol, sweets, etc. to the future wife's house, demonstrating the thriftiness and generosity of the bride's chosen one;
- Appropriate appearance. Traditionally, this is a classic costume, but if you plan to conduct a ceremony according to a certain scenario, you need to choose the appropriate image.
Matchmaking is an important part of preparing for a wedding. At this stage, the newlyweds receive their parents' blessing for marriage, and families get to know each other better and get to know each other better. Therefore, it is so important to know how to properly match a bride, so that at the most crucial moment you do not get confused and steadfastly withstand all the “tests” of future relatives.
Example script
So, you thought and wondered for a long time and finally decided to arrange matchmaking according to all the traditions. To make it fun and not boring, you should plan everything in advance and even rehearse. By the way, the main character in matchmaking is the matchmaker on the young man’s side. Don’t just hire just anyone for this role, the matchmaker must be smart and have no complexes, otherwise it’s a lost cause.
All actions during matchmaking are accompanied by certain words. Of course, they can be very different. But the essence comes down to one thing. This is approximately what the participants in this action should say.
Start of the show
So, role-play the situation. The guests are waiting at the matchmakers' house; the latter are arriving. At this time, the bride waits in her room and does not show herself to anyone. The guests cheer in unison: “They’re coming! The matchmakers are coming! At this time, the girls present can sing a folk song about love, the main thing is that it is positive and kind, with a happy ending. A variety of ditties are also appropriate.
When meeting, the matchmaker on the groom’s side greets everyone: grandparents, aunts, uncles, brothers and sisters. He says that the path was not short, that it took a long time to get there. But they overcame all the difficulties, because they arrived on a very important mission - they say they have a clear falcon, which had a wondrous dream, in which a beautiful maiden appeared to the falcon as a beautiful firebird. Since then, the falcon has not eaten or slept; he keeps thinking about her. And the falcon’s relatives decided to find his betrothed, asked the magic staff for help, and he brought the matchmakers to this house. Naturally, all words are pronounced in a playful, comic form.
The role of the matchmaker in matchmaking
After such a stormy introduction and greeting, the bride's matchmaker comes into play. Again, in a joking manner, he says that he has no idea who he is talking about, that there are many red-haired beauties in the house.
The matchmaker’s surprise on the part of the groom knows no bounds; she asks permission to take everyone at once, to which the groom objects: “No, I don’t need them all, my soul yearns for one!” The groom’s matchmaker, in confirmation of his words, echoes: “Yes! Any swan will not suit our falcon” and suggests that the guy himself start looking for his one and only. After the consent of the girl's parents, he enters the house and brings out his bride.
The groom’s matchmaker exclaims enthusiastically: “Of course, she’s beautiful, rosy-cheeked, slim. It is not surprising that the falcon spent so much time drying on it. But we prepared several tests for the swan.” The matchmaker scatters the change on the floor or on the ground. The test begins, during which the girl must show that she is not lazy and can bend over to collect coins. The girl puts the coins in her pocket, and if anyone asks for money, she refuses. The matchmaker immediately notices: “Thrifty! But I have one more question: how much buckwheat do you put in the borscht – a spoon or a glass?” The girl replies: “And I put meat in the borscht!” Everyone nods their heads in approval.
Bread is an essential attribute of matchmaking
After the test, the time comes for the main question: does the girl agree to marry the young man? As a sign of agreement, she must cut the bread into 4 equal parts. And treat each of them to those present: the first two parts are presented, bowing, to the groom’s parents, the second – to his own.
After this, the groom’s matchmaker “marks” the bride so that no one else can take her away before the wedding. With the words: “We will mark with a little thing,” the bride is given a ring. After this, the woman notes that it is the groom’s turn to show himself in action. The guy is given a hammer with nails and he drives a nail into the threshold of the house. After “work,” the groom gives gifts to his future mother-in-law and father-in-law: “For the father-in-law, a hammer, so that he can be useful in the relationship, and for the mother-in-law, a chocolate bar, so that the wedding goes smoothly.”
Then everyone goes to the set table, treats themselves, drinks and chats merrily.
What to tell matchmakers and what are the rules of matchmaking?
Previously, it was generally accepted that it was impossible to indicate why they came to the bride’s house. When parents ask questions, wanting to know about intentions, matchmakers should fuss in every possible way, without showing that they want to get married.
During matchmaking, after the ceremony itself on the threshold, everyone is invited into the house at a laid table. Parents discuss the upcoming wedding. Only initially does the bride’s mother talk about what kind of dowry they give for the girl.
It is believed that the dowry should be as large as possible. This adds advantages to one or another bride. If the young lady does not have a dowry, then the groom and his parents may refuse such a bride.
After discussing the dowry, the adults move on to the upcoming wedding. First, a date is set. Previously, she always relied on church holidays.
Weddings were held either in the spring or in the cold autumn. At this time, as a rule, there was less work in the garden and fields.
This is interesting: Tatar wedding traditions: which ones have been preserved and are still observed today
A simplified version of matchmaking
There is another, more simplified scenario, for those who do not like to be too theatrical about their actions. After a stormy meeting, the groom enters the house, gives flowers and gifts to the chosen one and her parents. By the way, it will be very original if the groom steps over the threshold with a loaf in his hands - after all, a tribute to tradition.
Then comes the feast, everyone sits down at a richly laid table. And then the time comes for the bride to come out, the groom’s matchmakers ask for this, uttering the well-known phrase: “You have a product, we have a merchant.”
Table gatherings are held under the auspices of praising the bride, and everyone praises her: parents, friends, relatives: wow, she’s smart, wow, she’s beautiful!
Hearing all the praise addressed to the bride, the groom completely melts! Now is the time to confess your feelings to the young woman. By the way, it will be very original if it is done in poetic form.
Then all parents can do is bless their children for a happy family life. As a sign of agreement, the father joins the hands of the lovers.
Russian wedding traditions: Matchmaking
As in other states, in Rus', it was also common to send matchmakers to the bride’s house. On the appointed evening, the matchmaker and the groom's relatives paid a visit to the girl's house. The allegorical conversation was started from afar, and the betrothed’s parents were usually in no hurry to give an answer. The final decision could only be made after the second or third attempt of the matchmakers. The positive response was that the bride's parents accepted the bread they cut from the matchmakers. If there was a refusal, the bread was returned to the matchmakers.
For a successful matchmaking ritual, it was customary to adhere to several mandatory actions. It was unacceptable to start any wedding business on Wednesday and Friday. These were extremely unfavorable days for marriage. Neither the matchmaking, nor the wedding day, under any circumstances, was scheduled for the 13th. They always tried to play a wedding, avoiding even numbers. Odd numbers were lucky for both the wedding and all wedding rituals.
Fearing the evil eye, people went out to make matches mainly after sunset. Everyone who went to get married tried to brush passers-by along the way and never engage in conversation. As soon as the matchmakers left, the women living in the house, for a successful deal, tied up all the stumps and stags.
In Russian modern matchmaking, many ritual obligations are either completely absent or very simplified. The future groom, sometimes with his father and mother, sometimes independently pays a visit to the parents of his future bride, at which he asks them for “the hand of their daughter.” With consent, the chosen one’s father places his daughter’s right hand in the hand of the future son-in-law. After the matchmaking is completed, the future newlyweds and parents discuss the day of the engagement announcement.
An engagement is a declaration of the unanimity of lovers to enter into marriage. After her, they already have every reason to be called the bride and groom.
Among Russians, engagement or conspiracy was considered the most important pre-wedding ritual. The parents of the bride and groom sat opposite each other at the table and silently looked at each other for several minutes - this was generally accepted. After this, they created an agreement and wrote down the time of the future wedding in the rows of notes.
If the bride belonged to a noble family, then on the occasion of the upcoming wedding a ball-feast was held in her house. The bride and groom were introduced to the audience by the young father, and the engagement was announced. After this, everyone present at the ball tried to approach the newlyweds to testify with their own handwritten congratulations. At the feast, in the presence of all the guests, the groom put on the bride an engagement ring, always with a precious stone.
Modest city families made the engagement less lavish. According to the routine, on this day the relatives of the bride and groom formally met each other, after which the parents performed a blessing. It happened that a priest was invited to bless them.
In villages, all close relatives were necessarily invited to the engagement. Parents used icons of the “Kazan Mother of God” and Jesus Christ to bless the union of their son and daughter, after which they traditionally exchanged bread and salt. After this, the fathers of the young bowed seven times in turn, striking each other’s hands, and touchingly and loudly promising to complete this task together. After the blessing, the bride was immediately escorted to the threshold, where she bowed seven times in all directions, telling the gathered crowd of neighbors and friends the news that she had finally been wooed.
