Fear of a wedding: features of the phobia, signs of fear of marriage and marriage, methods of help

For most girls, a wedding is both an exciting and wonderful event. Many people already know from childhood how their wedding will take place: restaurant, dress, cake, guests, etc. Every girl dreams of hearing the cherished phrase “marry me,” but when this cherished moment comes, many representatives of the fair sex have fear of marriage. Where does the fear of marriage come from if you really wanted to get married?

Treatment in a specialized clinic

In a specialized medical institution, the following methods of treating panic attacks are usually used:

Initial consultation with a psychotherapist.
General diagnosis of the condition of the whole organism and especially the patient’s brain.
Prescription of potent tranquilizers, sedatives and antidepressants.
Group psychotherapy sessions.
Exercise therapy.
Yoga and other breathing practices.
Acupuncture.
Physiotherapeutic treatment sessions (electrophoresis, magnetotherapy, darsonvalization, pressotherapy, etc.).
Hydrotherapy (Charcot shower, cedar barrel, spa capsule and more).
Complete nutrition.
Massage sessions.
Occupational therapy.

Treatment of panic attacks in a hospital setting is effective in the short term. During a hospital stay, in conditions of isolation from the usual emotional stress on the human psyche, panic attacks go into remission. This has less to do with the therapy methods described above, and more to do with the opportunity to communicate with people who have the same problems. The context of this conclusion will become clear a little later.

When a person returns to his usual environment, under the influence of stress, attacks of fear return again. The return of panic attacks after a course of treatment is also explained by the fact that, unfortunately, treatment in specialized neurosis clinics is aimed at eliminating the consequences of this illness, but the unconscious cause of panic attacks is not addressed. This mechanism becomes clear when examined at a deeper level. With the help of the knowledge of System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan, we have the opportunity to more deeply and substantively consider the problem of panic attacks.

Visual vector today

System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan explains that fears, phobias, panic are manifestations of the root state of fear of death in the visual vector. The key point here is that fear is always turned inward - we fear for ourselves.

Just as, developing historically, the visual vector passed from a feeling of fear to compassion, so an individual person goes through this during his development. Born with a sense of fear for his life, as he grows up he develops the ability to bring his properties out into the open. The ability to direct one’s emotional potential to other people - to have compassion, to empathize - is the skill that allows the bearer of the visual vector to realize their innate qualities.

By changing the direction of our attention from ourselves to another, we switch the charge from minus to plus, from fear to love.

Sometimes an insufficient level of development of the visual vector does not allow people to notice the suffering of others and empathize with them; they are doomed to minimal “pleasure”: fears, hysterics, emotional swings demanding attention to themselves. However, more often we simply do not understand our innate desires and do not use our sensory potential, constantly slipping into fears. Often a person replaces the normal implementation of properties with visual swings in the range of “scary - not so scary.” For example, he himself looks for scary incidents and stories, watches horror films, and then exhales that “this is not all happening to him.”

Slow breathing and poetry

I found a forum with people like me. There I poured out my despair, and they supported me. They also recommended special literature - I bought books, and they helped me a lot. I got most of the information from there: in one I read about the respiratory system, in another about muscle relaxation, I tried everything on myself. I made bookmarks and during the attack I read it like a mantra: “A healthy person’s heart can beat at a speed of two hundred beats per minute for many hours.” I often googled “can you die from a panic attack” and every time I saw that no, no one dies from panic attacks. I was also clinging to this straw.

One evening, back in Riga, during a panic attack, I was shaking under two blankets. Mom sat down next to me and said: “Let's pray. Repeat “Our Father” after me.” That's how I learned prayer. Then it seemed that it was helping, but now I know that any poem can help me. You need to distract your brain, stop listening to yourself and your symptoms. It’s almost impossible to think about anything else, but you can force yourself to read poetry. I loudly told myself about everything I see: “I see a black TV, there are one-two-three-four-five trees on the street...” If there is a loved one who knows about panic attacks and understands, you can call him, just talk - not about attacks. At first it may seem that this is not helping, you will want to hang up, but once you force yourself to listen to your friend: the brain switches from panic to something else, the circle “adrenaline - fear - adrenaline” is broken.

The attack can grow like a snowball. I realized that if you learn to ignore the symptoms, they will not go beyond the first phase. I read that the best way to get rid of panic attacks is to forget them. Then it seemed to me: yeah, try and forget about it. But in fact, this is true: the less you pay attention, the easier they will pass. And in the end they will pass completely.

Symptoms

Fear before a wedding is a normal phenomenon; preparation for a wedding involves many activities that the bride has to perform without departing from her daily routine. In such a situation, the body can “give a sign.” Under severe stress, the bride may experience health problems, depression, and apathy. Symptoms may also include:

sadness and constant depression;
disinterest;
the bride does not enjoy her favorite activities;
bad feelings;
insomnia;
lack of appetite.

Escape from fears

Having happened once, these terrible states come again and again, more and more often, with an ever stronger amplitude. You gather your fortitude and visit all the necessary doctors, and as a result, no physical illness is found in you. Instead, they make a mysterious diagnosis of “panic attacks” and, at best, prescribe you an antidepressant or strong sleeping pills.

Treatment with antidepressants significantly impacts your wallet, physical condition, and most importantly, your self-esteem. After all, God forbid anyone finds out that you are taking an antidepressant - this is a stigma, a white ticket for life. You have a new fear - to carry the status of a psycho for the rest of your life.

And no one cares that panic attacks are a neurological disorder, very far from psychiatric pathologies. Nobody cares

If you consulted a psychologist or psychotherapist, that means you are crazy and socially dangerous. Unfortunately, this stereotype still lives in our modern society.

Once you take a break between courses of taking antidepressants, attacks of fear accompany you absolutely everywhere. You become unable to live a normal social life.

I want to stay at home forever, in my favorite bed, and hide my head under a soft and warm blanket. And at the same time, it is desirable that someone reliable sit quietly next to you and guard your sleep, monitor your breathing, so that if something suddenly happens to you, he will immediately call an ambulance.

Some people experience terrible panic attacks their entire lives. Is this really forever? Is there really an effective cure or method to get back to your old happy social life?

Diagnosis and medications

By the age of twenty, my panic attacks had practically disappeared - they went away on their own. Then I lived in the United Arab Emirates for several years, worked as an administrator in a dental clinic - most of the time everything was calm there, too. There I met a Russian who lived in New York. He suggested moving: “Come here, it’s America after all.” I took a risk and flew to New York in 2001.

We've always been shown Manhattan on TV, but do you really get there? When I saw Brooklyn, a lump came to my throat: terrible dirt, overflowing garbage cans, homeless people, old scary houses with small windows. It was two years before I saw and realized the beauty of New York, but for a newcomer it was a shock. My boyfriend's apartment was creepy too. He worked as a store manager. A couple of days later I found out that he was using heroin.

Every morning I woke up on a bunk bed with the top sawn off and cried. I stopped writing to my friends - I just had nothing to say. She called her mother at home, chatted in a cheerful voice, and then hung up and cried non-stop for two hours. It was a shame. Now I remember and think that it was stupid, I should have left. But I couldn’t get over myself, I couldn’t show others that I was in trouble. I didn't expect it to be so scary and lonely.

The attacks surged with renewed vigor - this was the most intense period. I worked in a small office an hour's drive from home. She crammed into the end of the last carriage and rode with tears in her eyes and a lump in her throat. I had very strong panic attacks on the subway. One time it was so bad that it’s scary to even remember. Then I got off at the busiest station, halfway to one of the many exits I thought: that’s it, now it’s definitely the end. On shaky legs I went out into the street and took a taxi home. She was shaking, pressed against the seat, trying to start a conversation with the taxi driver. I understood that I urgently needed to switch, otherwise I would make myself faint with my fears. Later I read that during panic attacks this rarely happens, although many people have the feeling that this will happen. I still don't like the subway.

Looking for the root of the problem

System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan explains the causes of our states through our innate mental characteristics. A set of such characteristics, desires, talents and inclinations is called a vector. There are eight vectors in total. Every person from birth has one or more vectors inherent in us by nature. Each vector has its own manifestations of behavior, innate desires and needs for obtaining satisfaction from life. And representatives of only one of the eight vectors can suffer from panic attacks. These are carriers of the visual vector.

What is a visual vector? These are, first of all, emotions - in a positive and negative way. Holders of the visual vector have the widest possible range of emotional amplitude: from visual hysterics to feelings of deep empathy and love. They, like no one else, are able to deeply empathize with the grief of others, and can even cry while watching a movie due to their increased sentimentality. These people are called responsive and kind.

Carriers of the visual vector have enormous imaginative intelligence and the best ability to learn, since we read the main information through vision.

People with a visual vector have the most sensitive visual analyzer and are able to read the slightest visible changes in the external environment that other people may not notice. They see the world around them in the brightest and most multifaceted colors.

Depending on the degree of their realization, the properties of the visual vector can be both a source of real pleasure - spiritual intimacy, deep emotional connection, vivid experiences of love, and a source of mental pain in the form of endless suffering, hysterics and fears in various forms. Including in the form of panic attacks. Fear of death in its various manifestations is an innate property of the visual vector. To explain why this is so, we need to look back in time.

Once upon a time, those with a visual vector served as daytime guards. It was their keen eye, observing the beauty of nature, that caught the slightest changes in the landscape. They instantly noticed a potential threat that could cause damage to the entire flock. So, seeing a creeping animal, they experienced fear, an instant upward vertical rise of emotional amplitude, cried out their visual “oh” - and the whole flock fled for their lives. Thus, the fear of death was given by nature for salvation.

In the process of evolution, such people gradually learned to take the feeling of fear for their lives outward - to direct their emotionality to create emotional connections with other people, sympathy and empathy. It was thanks to these properties that culture arose and developed.

How to beat panic attacks forever?

To get out of a state of fear, a person with a visual vector needs strong emotions of compassion directed outward to other people. By starting to focus on the experiences of other people, and not on ourselves, we sublimate the feeling of fear into a feeling of compassion, and thereby fill the need for feelings in our visual vector.

Remission while in hospital is explained, among other things, by this: we easily make new acquaintances among similar people suffering from panic attacks. After all, these people are also carriers of the visual vector and are very conducive to emotional contact and intimacy.

By getting to know and communicating with them, learning about their suffering, we automatically switch our attention and pity from ourselves to empathy for others. Therefore, temporary relief comes naturally

And it can be temporary because, having been discharged from the hospital, we return to our usual circle of friends and worries, and panic attacks return along with them.

Knowing the underlying causes of panic attacks has made it possible to get rid of them. Today, panic attacks are on the list of solvable psychological problems. System-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan is a real practical tool in the hands of those who want to understand the causes of their conditions and find an effective method for solving psychological problems.

Along with a deeper understanding of your reactions, your desires that seek fulfillment, your psychological state gradually changes in a positive direction. And at the same time, the problem of stress is solved: fears go away, panic attacks go away, strength is restored, pleasure and joy from life returns.

More than 16,000 thousand results from people who have already listened to Yuri Burlan’s training confirm that there is a way out of psychologically uncomfortable situations. And there is no longer any need to hide under a blanket from the whole world and be dependent on antidepressants!

I had panic attacks. Most often they began closer to night, although they could occur at any time of the day. Night panic attacks were accompanied by calling an ambulance. A panic attack began with a sudden feeling of fear of death and acute lack of air. The limbs became icy and wet, the pulse went off scale over 140-150, often leading to fainting. After each panic attack, it took me a long time to come to my senses.

All visits to specialist doctors ended with the prescription of antidepressants. I was afraid to go to bed in the evening, afraid of the dark, and terrified of dogs. The feeling of fear arose suddenly. This could happen in transport, in a crowded place, during work or rest. Panic attacks became more frequent.

I underwent a brain examination, an MRI scan was performed, I visited an endocrinologist, a neurologist, and a cardiologist - no abnormalities were found. Not a single specialist could answer my question: what should I do, how can I live with this?

I was in complete despair. I started looking for answers to questions on the Internet, came across a portal on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan, read articles and soon attended free lectures by Yuri Burlan.

After attending free lectures on system-vector psychology, I was able to fall asleep without antidepressants. Without delay, I signed up for the full course. Already at the 1st level training, I suddenly remembered that I had not been scared for a long time and had not had a panic attack, and had not felt a sudden panicky fear of death for a long time.

Panic attacks are gone and this is a lasting result. I’ve been living without them, I’m not afraid of the dark or dogs for 3 years now.

Anna Vinevskaya

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Gradually, I learned to cope with sudden panic attacks - a feeling of acute fear for my life, when for some unknown reason you suddenly throw yourself from a fever into a cold sweat and then shake for a long time with large tremors, your eyes darken, and your hand reaches out to the phone to dial “03 “Help, I’m dying! Now it’s just funny to think about it!

Nina Belyaeva

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The holiday will be more fun with attributes and rituals

At the bachelorette party before the wedding, you can chat about anything, discuss work or relationships and behave as usual. But you still need to remember about the key figure of the evening - the bride and her future wedding. Attributes will help you stay in the context of the holiday, and not switch to other topics.

White T-shirts with the words Team Bride are not the only way to stand out. A group of girls in basic jeans and white shirts will also look stylish. You can include a mandatory attribute of the bride's favorite color or wear Hawaiian necklaces and hats. To make it immediately clear which of you is getting married, you can prepare a veil or a head wreath of fresh flowers for the bride.

Another way to remember why everyone has gathered is through rituals and games. Not everyone will like releasing a balloon with their maiden name: many girls no longer attach such importance to changing their dad's surname to their husband's surname. And often they don’t do this at all. Some fun things to do for a bachelorette party may include:

Each of you tells your story of meeting the bride or meeting the groom for the first time. It will be fun if girlfriends from different places gather at the holiday.
Place the contents of the bags on the table and hand out nominations: “The most thrifty,” “The most unexpected find,” “I travel light,” “I don’t sleep at home,” and so on.
Game “Never Have I Ever”: everyone takes turns telling what they have never done. Those in solidarity take a sip of the cocktail, those who have had such experience do not. In order not to invent it yourself, you can buy ready-made cards.
Game "Family Life". You prepare pieces of paper in advance with the difficult situations described in them, and the bride pulls them out of the hat and tells how she will get out of the situation.
Game "Conversion". You take turns drawing cards and asking each other the question that is written on them. Helps get everyone involved in the conversation. There is a ready-made set containing funny and cute questions.

Idea: Stock up on games so you can quickly change activities when guests start to get bored. But don't insist on returning to the game if an interesting conversation has struck up.

Adrenaline and fear of death

I was born in Riga. I had bilateral dysplasia (that is, congenital dislocation) of the hip joints, but doctors did not notice anything at birth, and my parents did not pay attention until I began to try to walk. After that, I spent a couple of years in hospitals - otherwise I would probably have walked with crutches. In the 70s, children in hospitals were alone, their parents were not allowed to see them: I remember how I, two years old, was taken to surgery, how I lay alone in intensive care and I was terribly scared. Over the course of two years, I had four surgeries, two on each joint. Each time, plaster was applied up to the armpits for several months. I think the roots of my panic attacks grow from there.

The first panic attack took me by surprise. This happened when I was about eighteen - I have no idea why. I looked at myself in the mirror, and it seemed to me that I was going to die: it was terribly scary, I was shaking like an aspen. Most of all I was afraid of this feeling of death: it seemed that now, in a couple of seconds, I would fall dead - but I did not fall, and the terrible feeling did not go away. I called my mother, she laid me on the sofa, asked what was wrong with me - I answered that I was going to die. Mom called an ambulance - twenty minutes later, when she arrived, I felt a little better. They listened to me, knocked, and said that everything was fine. They injected me with a sedative and left.

It is better to settle debits and credits in advance

Any holiday involves expenses, and you need to decide in advance who will bear them. Is your bachelorette party before the wedding a gift for the bride or will she also take part in the expenses? Typically, the bride and groom are responsible for the wedding budget, while the bachelor and bachelorette parties are the responsibility of friends.