Who should pay for the wedding? Expenses - equally? Who pays for what for a wedding?

Option 1 – the young themselves

For many, this is a logical scenario, because since two people are ready to start a family, then it would be nice for them to pay for the holiday on the occasion of its founding themselves. If you don’t have enough money for the holiday of your dreams, then you should moderate your requests and make it more modest - this approach will be useful in your future life together. In this case, the question of who pays for the wedding does not even arise.

pros

• Independence. There is no need to invite relatives whom you saw for the first and last time when you were lying in a stroller as a baby. You don’t need to take anyone’s opinion into account when choosing a restaurant or a wedding dress. You do everything the way you want.
• The first plus is so significant that it would be worth ending with it, but there is one more. A wedding is the first big test for the family budget; it is training your and your fiancé’s ability to solve financial problems together and find compromises that suit both.

Minuses

• If you have not yet managed to make a small fortune, then you and your fiancé do not have much money, so the holiday will not be as luxurious as you dreamed. Help from your parents would allow you to do things that you two don’t have enough money for (for example, choose a fancier restaurant or invite better artists).

Important!

If you want to pay for the celebration yourself, but your parents are offended, invite them to give you money on your wedding day. This will help you save up faster for important purchases (car, furniture, apartment).

Option 2 – parents of the bride and groom

Until now, in many families, when asked who pays for the wedding, they answer – parents, who else! Some moms and dads don't understand that things can be different and will be offended if you don't allow them to help. Parents' funds are especially important when organizing weddings costing several million; often you can't get by with your own money. In addition, there are situations (for example, pregnancy) when there is simply no time to organize a holiday and save money for it.

pros

• In most cases, when the parents of the bride and groom pay for the holiday, the celebration turns out to be more luxurious, since the budget is usually higher.
• You will save the money you save for a honeymoon or major purchases (car, apartment)

Minuses

• You will have to take into account the opinion of your parents when organizing, even if they asked you to decide everything yourself. It will be psychologically difficult to do something that, as you know, one of the parents may not like, because they are financing the event.
• If dad and mom on both sides take a more or less active part in planning, conflicts of interest are possible, and you will have to take into account not only the opinion of the groom, but also the parents. Stakeholder demands can be contradictory and finding a balance is not easy.

Important!

At the very beginning, agree on which parent pays for what, on which issues you are willing to consult with them, and on which issues you will decide on your own. This will help avoid many conflicts.

The bride and groom pay for the wedding

If the future spouses are already confident enough to stand on their own two feet and earn good money, they prefer to take on all expenses themselves. Just like in the first option, they either divide the costs equally or in proportion to the number of guests.

If parents still insist on providing at least minimal assistance, then they can, for example, pay for the bride’s dress and the groom’s suit. Often the bride's parents pay for her wedding dress as a gift.

Parents always have the opportunity to give money at a festive banquet or even give the newlyweds an apartment and a car. Such a gift will undoubtedly be much more significant than all the wedding expenses.

Option 3 – parents of the bride or groom

Sometimes it is immediately decided who pays for the wedding - the parents of one of the parties, the groom or the bride. This usually happens if:

1. The parents, for example, of the groom are better off and can easily bear the costs of organizing the holiday.
2. For example, on the bride’s side there will be only parents, and on the groom’s side there will be several dozen guests. In this case, it is decided that the costs are borne by the parents on the side that invites more people.

We will not dwell on this option in detail, we will only say that this is one of the worst methods. It turns out that financial responsibility for the wedding falls on one or two parents, and their opinion becomes the main one. This would be an insulting situation for the other party's parents, so we would only advise considering this option as a last resort.

Option 4 – bride or groom

It is rare, but it happens that the costs of organizing the event are borne by the bride or groom. This is usually due to differences in the incomes of young people.

pros

• You are still independent of your parents' opinions and make your own decisions.

Minuses

• One person bears all the financial needs of the wedding, which can be risky if the source of income suddenly disappears (for example, if you lose your job).
• The one who pays may be tempted to have the last word in disputes without trying to come to a solution that suits both. In this case, the other party will feel disadvantaged, and this is not the best option for starting family life.

Important!

Agree on which aspects of the wedding are important to each of you and which are not. So you will decide where it is better to give in to your partner in a dispute or, conversely, to insist on your own.

At whose expense is the wedding

The tradition of paying for a wedding celebration

The twilight of the hall of a cozy restaurant, foamy champagne, candles and two hearts in love... At this moment, the young man takes the most important step in life - he offers the girl his hand and heart.
Her answer is “yes!” becomes the cause of dizzying changes in the lives of both lovers and their families: passions begin to prepare for the wedding celebration. The main issue is the distribution of money spent on the holiday. Yes, it's corny. Yes, it's mercantile. But it is better to solve this problem in advance, so as not to subsequently face numerous reproaches, insults and other negative emotions. A wedding is not a cheap pleasure, because all newlyweds want an unusually beautiful holiday with magnificent outfits, many guests, a luxuriously decorated restaurant hall and an abundance of treats. And even if the young people decide to be more modest and hold back their wildest desires and requests, even in this case the official creation of a family will cost them a considerable amount. Who should bear these costs? There are several options: the bride’s family, the groom’s family, or both families equally. The first option is accepted in eastern countries. During the wedding, the bride's parents hand over their daughter to her husband for full provision. This means that paying for wedding expenses is an opportunity to spend one last time for the sake of your grown-up daughter, to give her joy on the eve of the most important day in her life. Once upon a time in Russia it was customary to pay for the wedding feast to the groom's family. The bride was taken from her parents' house before the wedding, and the wedding itself took place in the groom's house. But such expenses were completely justified. After all, the bride brought with her to her new home a dowry, which, according to tradition, had been collected for her over many years. In Western European countries, they prefer to distribute wedding expenses between the families of the newlyweds. The bride spends money on gifts for her future husband, father-in-law and mother-in-law, as well as a ring for her betrothed. The groom has more significant expenses. He needs to pay for all the wedding services, the bride's bouquet and the wedding ring for his beloved. The honeymoon is also usually considered the responsibility of the groom. The future father-in-law and mother-in-law also have to part with a significant amount: they need to pay for the cost of the bride’s outfit and the work of the stylist, as well as restaurant services or catering. They are responsible for resolving all transport issues and organizing photo and video shooting. But the family of the future spouse has less trouble - a suit for the son and gifts for the bride's parents... How to divide the costs of a wedding
The most reasonable solution would be a large family meeting, at which the parents of the future husband and wife and the newlyweds themselves will be present.
At such a meeting, it is worth discussing all the expenses, the planned number of invited guests on both sides, and then dividing all future expenses equally. And also equally distribute the efforts of organizing the event. It would be good to immediately stipulate the presence of an equal number of guests. But if someone dreams of a worldwide gathering of all close and distant relatives, and the other party is planning a quiet family celebration in a narrow circle, then another option for dividing financial expenses could be a compromise. For example, each party contributes its share in accordance with its own requests. A luxurious limousine, champagne baths, 500 guests and other delights of festivities on a grand scale can be paid for by those who need it. In this case, the reluctance to pay for other people’s whims, of course, can cause some resentment and accusations of unwillingness to give the young “once in a lifetime a real holiday,” but, as the French like to say, c’est la vie. In some particularly rare cases, the groom takes all financial matters upon himself. This is possible, firstly, if a young man is in a hurry to marry the lady of his heart, but she is not burning with any special desire. Secondly, the groom does not suffer from a lack of finances, and for him a good wedding is not about saving, but about enjoying a moment of happiness. We will pay all the expenses ourselves.
The parents of the bride and groom, not believing in their financial capabilities and organizational abilities, often try to interfere in the preparation of the wedding celebration and hold it according to the principle “so that it is no worse than other people’s.”
What should young people do if they want to be independent from the first days of independent life? They have to defend their right to make first decisions in order to have a wedding that they like and can afford. The number of guests at such a wedding is minimal - these are the closest friends and parents. The party is also very modest: without frills or pomp. But there are things that you can’t do without: traditional rings, wedding dresses, food. Whether you want it or not, you will have to spend money on it, so young people should set aside a certain amount of money in advance. In the afternoon - a wedding, in the evening - money.
For a wedding, like for everything pleasant in our life, we have to pay.
And both before the celebration and after it. The preparatory stage is accompanied by joyful expenses: a chic dress for the bride, a formal suit for the groom, exquisite rings with or without diamonds. You can pay for the rent of the restaurant, the services of a photographer and toastmaster later - when the cries of “bitter” and the clinking of crystal glasses have subsided. Therefore, some families, expecting money donated for a wedding, plan to pay with it. The problem, however, is that there is a danger of not getting enough to pay all the bills. Knowing this, young people are constantly nervous and mentally weigh the thickness of the donated envelopes, wondering: will it be enough or not enough, will it pay off or will it not pay off. And this is instead of plunging headlong into the whirlwind of a happy wedding celebration!.. How to save up for a wedding?
There are few families who can, as they say, pay all wedding expenses from their next salary. In many countries, it is customary to save money for the wedding of daughters from the day they are born. Monetary reforms in our native country weaned caring mothers and fathers from this tradition. One way to raise some money is to open a bank account and hope that the interest from the deposit will be enough for a decent wedding. Another option is to make a deal with an insurance company. There is a possibility that with its help it will be possible to raise the necessary funds. But there is a danger before the very day of the wedding to discover that neither the bank nor the insurance company is functioning - they have gone bankrupt, burst or gone missing. And then the wedding will either have to be canceled or celebrated like a student party - with wire rings and fizz instead of champagne.

Option 5 – take out a loan

Who pays for the wedding? Bank! Yes, it also happens that a couple takes out a loan to organize the holiday they have always dreamed of. This position is understandable, because most people only have a wedding once in their life. At the same time, we do not advise anyone to start their family life with debts. Believe me, a wedding is only one day, albeit an important one, and you will live together for many, many years (some of them while paying off the loan). Do not take out a loan for the holiday, it is better to sign at the registry office, and postpone the celebration itself for a while to raise money for it.

Editorial opinion

The Wedding Blog team believes that independence is more important than a Vera Wang dress or a luxurious event worthy of publication in a glossy magazine. Therefore, to the question “Who pays for the wedding?” we answer like this - bride and groom. Have a holiday that you can afford, even if it is modest. Don’t take on debt, don’t start a family with someone else’s money, do everything yourself. You will be calm and proud of yourself, you will see. And ask your guests to donate money, this will cover part of the expenses. We wish you successful preparation!

Photo by Nikol Bodnarova Photography

Who pays for what at a wedding?

It’s hard to even imagine how many family boats that never set sail were wrecked by such a seemingly simple question as the distribution of wedding expenses! And how many weddings have been ruined due to the process of “dividing” money! Therefore, who pays for what at a wedding long before the celebration itself. And the sooner, the better. In the old days, marriages took place when the young people themselves were literally 15-16 years old, so paying for the wedding event (and all the accompanying ones) fell entirely on the shoulders of the parents. Moreover, usually the wedding was paid for by the groom’s family, since it was believed that the bride’s family had already incurred serious expenses by preparing a dowry for her.

Nowadays, young people who are usually adults and have their own sources of income get married, and they do not give a dowry as such for the bride. As a result, the traditional principles of dividing wedding expenses are no longer relevant, and therefore the issue has to be resolved individually.

Today, the most important rule for dividing wedding expenses between the bride, groom and their families is the rule of common sense: all expenses must be divided so that they are “reasonable” for each of the parties and are not “imposed” by anyone’s opinion. There are usually 3 main approaches to solving the problem.

Only parents pay for the wedding

When the future newlyweds are still quite young or are simply not eager to celebrate the wedding, their parents can take on the wedding expenses if they wish. In this case, they will have to carefully plan all expenses together and decide who is ready to take on what.

One of the most acceptable options today is the following:

• parents pay for their son/daughter’s wedding dress;
• parents pay for the banquet in proportion to the number of guests on their part;
• the costs of transferring guests and their accommodation in a hotel (for non-residents) are borne by the party that invited them;
• other expenses are divided equally.

Only future newlyweds pay for the wedding

If the couple is firmly on their feet, they can easily pay for their own wedding. The lovers themselves agree on who pays for what, and, as a rule, they manage to resolve all issues peacefully. In addition, if the young people already live together and maintain a common budget, then it turns out that they pay for everything together, and therefore there should be no resentment or disappointment.

Both the newlyweds and their parents pay for the wedding

This option is most common in domestic conditions. Here you can go the same way as in the first option, i.e., each family will have “its own” part of the expenses, and part will be shared. But you can do it differently. For example, the bride, groom and both families can invest an equal share of funds in the wedding “bank”, and then pay for wedding purchases as needed from the total amount received.

Another possible option is for the bride, groom, and their parents to give as much money as they can. Yes, it is possible that the amounts will be unequal, but if the difference in the income of each party is significant, then such an approach may be the only one available.

Western traditions of distributing wedding expenses

Many couples today are guided by Western wedding fashion, including in organizational matters. Therefore, it is interesting to find out how things stand with the division of wedding expenses “over there”.

The bride spends the least on her own wedding. She only has to buy a wedding ring for the groom and wedding gifts for the groom and his parents. Additionally, she can pay for the groom's parents to stay in a hotel if they come to the wedding from another city.

The groom's parents don't spend too much on the wedding either. Their task is to buy a wedding suit for their son, pay for the wedding rehearsal dinner and buy a wedding gift for the newlyweds. Optionally, the groom's parents pay for the newlyweds' honeymoon.

The bride's parents and the groom are already "taking the rap" to the fullest. The lists of their expenses are the largest. So, the groom is supposed to pay for:

• engagement and wedding rings for the bride;
• wedding gift for the bride;
• marriage license and services of a marriage celebrant;
• gift for the best man;
• hotel room for the wedding night;
• flowers (for the hall, bouquets for the bride and her bridesmaids, boutonnieres for yourself and friends);
• honeymoon trip (if the parents did not pay for it).

The bride's parents, in turn, bear the expenses for:

• wedding banquet;
• all wedding specialists and/or wedding agency/planner;
• full bride's outfit;
• dresses for bridesmaids, accessories for them;
• outfit and accessories for the girl who will have the honor of carrying the newlyweds’ rings or holding the bride’s train;
• transport and related costs.

If a bachelorette party and a bachelor party are held before the wedding, then the bride and groom pay for them, respectively. At the same time, they can give gifts to the bridesmaids and friends of the groom, for which, of course, they will have to pay for themselves.

As you can see, there are many points of view on the distribution of wedding expenses, so, no matter how you look at it, you will have to decide who pays for what at a wedding on an individual basis. The main thing is to always try to come to a reasonable compromise, then discussing wedding plans and sharing expenses will not become a stumbling block, and the impression of the wedding will not be spoiled by the remaining unpleasant aftertaste.