How does the bride ransom work?
The bride price is carried out early in the morning, in front of the registry office. First, the bride and groom prepare for the wedding, each at their own home. When the groom finishes his preparations, he assembles the wedding cortege and goes home to his bride. And this is where the fun begins...
To see his bride, the groom must pay a ransom or pass the proposed tests. If the groom cannot do what the bridesmaids or relatives of the bride ask, then he gives either gifts or money.
The groom has reliable support in the form of a witness or relatives and friends. But on the bride’s side are strict and demanding relatives and friends who will never just give up their beloved bride, who meanwhile sits at home and waits for her beloved to finally come to her.
Bride ransom: a detailed description of the custom
Over the years, the custom of ransoming a bride has changed, its rules have become more regulated, but the meaning of the ritual remains the same - in order to marry the person they like, it was necessary for a young man to present the bride’s parents with a worthy reward for their daughter. A few centuries ago, one could get gold and silver, diamonds, pearls and even land for a bride.
In Rus', this ritual consisted of two parts. In the first part of the ceremony, the groom came to the bride’s house and presented the girl’s parents with all kinds of gifts. Mostly these were chests filled with expensive fabric, jewelry, coins, shirts, and bed linen. In addition, it was customary to give horses and other livestock for the yard of the bride's parents.
After the groom laid out his wealth, the bride’s father and mother, as well as close relatives, decided whether they should give their daughter in marriage to this young man or not. Often, parents who were not happy with the groom’s gift refused to give him their daughter and kicked the man out of the yard.
After the ceremony of receiving gifts, if the parents were satisfied with everything, the second part of the ransom ceremony began - the replacement of the bride. It consisted in the fact that under thick fabric in the parents’ room they hid an old widow, an ugly girl who could not get married, as well as the bride herself. The groom's task was to understand under what kind of cloth his beloved was hiding. The young man had no right to make a mistake in such a ritual, because if he did not correctly guess where exactly his bride was hiding, then he could be forced to marry the woman whom he found under the veil.
Of course, over time, the bride price ritual has softened, and now, if the answer is wrong, the groom still marries his beloved, but in order to get her, he is given various tests.
Another interesting difference between ransom in Rus' and in modern Russia is that this ritual is now performed by bridesmaids, but previously it was performed by the matchmaker and the girl’s parents.
Features of bride price in different countries of the world
Strangely enough, the tradition of ransoming a bride exists not only in Russia, but in almost all countries, regardless of religion and nationality. True, each country has its own specific features of the bride price ritual, here are some of them.
Spanish bridewealth: during this ritual, the groom does not undergo any tests, he does not need to show his position and wealth in front of the bride's parents, his main task is to pay thirty silver coins to his bride before the wedding ceremony. The bride, in turn, puts these coins in a beautiful bag, made and decorated by her hand, and hangs it on her belt to carry silver coins throughout the wedding. This ritual is considered the key to the happiness and wealth of a young family. If the groom is not able to pay his bride thirty silver coins, then she has the right to refuse to marry.
French bride price: unlike bride price in other countries, in France part of the worries on this day falls on the shoulders of the bride. The groom arrives in the morning at his beloved’s house, gives souvenirs to the girl’s parents, after which he goes out with his bride onto the street, where, while the groom is in her house, the friends and relatives of the young man stretch out a corridor of white ribbons, which the bride must cut with scissors in order to clear the way for yourself and the groom.
African bridewealth: In the tribes of Africa there is a custom according to which on the wedding day the groom sends gifts to the bride's house with his representatives. The bride evaluates these gifts and decides whether she will marry her husband or not. If she agrees, representatives go to pick up the grooms and after some time the wedding ceremony begins.
There are many peculiarities of bride ransom in each country, and as a rule, these minor points are often borrowed from one state to another, which is why now there are no strict regulations for bride ransom, but there is an approximate procedure for conducting this ceremony.
Preparing for the bride ransom ceremony
First of all, before you start preparing the bride price scenario, be sure to determine its time for yourself and include it in the wedding ceremony plan. Remember that on average this ritual lasts about 1-2 hours, which means that if the lovers are registered in the registry office at 11 o’clock, then the bride price should begin at 9, or even at 8 in the morning, because this fun event may drag on.
Try not to stretch out the ransom, even if you really want to include as many competitions and tests for your other half as possible. Remember that this is also very stressful for the groom, and besides, it often happens that his guests and relatives can go crazy with the abundance of tasks and start pounding on the bride’s door, pushing away relatives and bridesmaids. It is best to prepare a small but interesting or even thematic scenario for the bride price, even if it lasts 40 minutes, but during it the guests will not get bored, and the groom will not break out in a sweat from the experience.
Be sure to draw up a scenario for the bride price; you can do this yourself, using the advice of our website, or by turning to professional organizers for help. In the second case, it is worth remembering that this pleasure is not cheap, because writing a unique bride ransom script can cost you at least 5,000 rubles.
Carefully select competitions and tests for the ransom ritual. You should not use tasks that require a long time to complete or serious physical activity. In addition, under no circumstances do not use competitions that may somehow infringe on the dignity of your other half, because during the bride price, the groom will be watched not only by guests and relatives, but also by an operator with a video camera.
If in your competitions and tests there are tasks that require some kind of prepared answers, then make these answers only positive so that neither the bride nor the groom gets upset. Most often, such answers are given to the question: “Why are you getting married?” You should not prepare answers to this question with the text: “Because of money”, “Forced” or something similar negative. Remember - the bride price is positive and bright emotions, but not like resentment and tears.
The procedure for ransoming the bride
The bride price consists of three parts:
– The competitive part of the ransom – it takes place in front of the bride’s house and in the entrance, it consists of tasks, competitions and tests, after overcoming which the groom gives gifts and receives some “bonuses”.
– Bride replacement stage – at this stage, the groom already enters the house of his beloved and is taken to the bride’s room, where the “fake” bride is hiding behind a piece of fabric. This could be the bride's friend, brother, cat or dog. The groom’s task at this stage is to complete some particularly difficult task. In addition, at this stage the groom may be asked to confess his love to the bride in front of everyone. If the confession touches the bride, then she is the one who comes out from behind the sheet, and if for some reason the girl does not like the ransom amount or the groom’s words, he may be given a fake bride.
- Banquet part. After the ransom, a light banquet is held at the bride's house, after which the lovers and guests go to the registry office.
There are many options for ransoming the bride and they depend on the style of the ransom, its scenario, as well as the duration of the event. Depending on the chosen buyback option, the necessary accessories and attributes are purchased.
The groom should also prepare for the ransom of his other half, for this he needs:
- sweets - fruit, candies and cookies, it is best to take loose sweets, in fairly large quantities, since during the ransom it is important to reward not only the participants in the wedding ceremony with treats, but also completely random people who may be at your ransom, usually neighbors and residents of the bride's house. This should be done in order to drive away the bad looks and thoughts of envious people from the newlyweds.
– small souvenirs and gifts.
– soft toys, if small children are planned to participate in the ransom.
- alcohol. Strong drinks for the bride price are bought in two types: some are more expensive as a gift to the relatives and parents of the bride, and the second are for direct drinking during this ritual.
- money. In advance, before ransoming the bride, exchange money for small denomination paper bills, and also stock up on foreign currency.
In general, the list of the groom’s “gifts” is prepared in advance when the ransom script is written, this is done by the bride so that her loved one is not taken by surprise and confused during the ritual. Of course, here the bride’s task is not to give him a specific amount of what he must purchase; in this list it is important to make it clear to the groom what may be required of him for some tasks.
Important points of the bride ransom ritual
When organizing the bride ransom and its implementation, there are several issues that are worth paying attention to when organizing this ritual:
- Who gets the money that was received from the bride price? In the old days, this amount was given to the bride's parents, or to matchmakers who carried out the ransom. Now there is no clear answer to this question, since according to tradition, the ransom must be taken by the one who carries it out, but in practice, all the money is given to the bride and groom, unless otherwise agreed upon in advance by the bride.
- Is it possible to refuse bride price? Of course, unlike in ancient times, when this ritual was an obligatory element of a wedding, now the bride price has lost its power, and many brides refuse it, considering this event unfashionable and outdated.
- What to do if the groom gave a small ransom? It also happens that the groom and his retinue simply refuse to participate in the ransom of the bride, and, pushing away their girlfriends and relatives, the girls break into the apartment to get the bride without any tests. Of course, such a moment can greatly upset the bride and even bring her to tears, so if you are an emotional and vulnerable girl, agree in advance with the young man not to do this. If the ransom did not take place and you were conquered by force, the main thing is not to be upset, because your beloved, getting to you through a crowd of friends and relatives, overcame a more difficult test than a standard competition or task.
Is only the bride's side preparing for the ransom?
No! Both parties are preparing for the ransom - both the groom and the bride. Only in this case, they do not act as a single team, but rather as rivals. The bride and her bridesmaids try to come up with an interesting and memorable ransom scenario and difficult tasks for the groom.
The groom, in turn, is also preparing for the ransom. He needs to think through everything that he will take with him that might be useful to him at the ransom. It would not be bad if the groom prepared small money with which he would pay in the process of ransoming his beloved. It would be nice to stock up on sweets, alcoholic drinks and fruits.
