Wedding etiquette for the bride and groom
If a young husband wants to make a proper impression on everyone present, then his actions should be dictated not only by rituals, but also by the rules of etiquette. How should a groom behave at a wedding? First of all, be:
- gallant,
- polite,
- neat,
- reserved,
- cheerful.
He must also support the bride in everything, actively participate in the competitions proposed by the presenter for the groom, and not leave the bride alone. As for dancing, in different traditions the groom is allowed different behavior:
- He can only dance with the bride.
- He can also dance with their mothers.
- And in some cases, it is believed that a wedding is the last day when the groom can dance with any unmarried girl. In this case, he is simply obliged to dance with each of the girls present.
What to do at your own wedding is up to everyone to decide for themselves. If something happens, you can consult with the toastmaster or with your parents.
As for the rules on how a bride should behave at a wedding, here is the advice:
- Be ready for the ceremony a little earlier than it is scheduled to take place.
- Have spare powder, mascara and lipstick with you.
- During the photo, hold the wedding bouquet just below the waist so as not to cover the dress.
- Have a duplicate bouquet of artificial flowers. This one will be easier to throw, and if the first one is damaged, it will be a good replacement.
But most importantly, during the wedding, only one thing is required of the bride - to be and feel the happiest and most desirable.
How should the newlyweds' loved ones behave?
If the actions of parents at a wedding are almost completely regulated by the ritual side of the celebration, then wedding etiquette makes slightly more demands on the witness, as well as friends of the bride and groom, than on any other guests.
As a rule, the outfits of these people make them stand out from the rest of the guests:
- The best man and the witness, who can also be called “best man” and “groomsman,” most often tie a special ribbon on themselves. Or they wear special flowers that are pinned to the buttonhole or bodice of the dress. The friend, like the bride, can choose a dress with a floor-length skirt.
- In a European-style wedding, the bridesmaids and groomsmen, who play a secondary role, often wear the same outfits. So, for the groom's friends, suits of the same color and cut are chosen, and for the bridesmaids, dresses are made to order.
At a wedding, the best man and groomsman are often the main organizers or assistants. According to etiquette, the witness is required to accompany the groom to the bride price, to the registry office, and also at the banquet. In this case, it is the witness who is given the wedding rings for safekeeping.
How a groomsman should behave at a wedding and what duties to perform depends on the wishes of the bride. Usually the most devoted friend or sister is chosen to play the role of groomsman, who helps the bride with choosing an outfit, as well as with hair and makeup on the wedding day. But often a professional stylist is invited for the latter. At the same time, during the wedding, the witness should not remember or somehow illuminate the bride’s past, because what may seem funny to her may be regarded by the groom’s parents as something indecent. And such a disclosure of the past will cause family conflicts, for which the bride will not be grateful.
Who is the ideal wedding guest?
The presence of a guest at a wedding begins with a gift. Even if you didn’t manage to come to the feast itself, you still need to give a gift. To do this, you can bring it to the celebration itself, which is customary in Russia, or you can do it in the European style - send it to the bride’s address. According to etiquette, this is the address that is indicated on the wedding invitation, even if after marriage the bride moves to another house.
As for the cost of the gift or the amount that is given instead, each guest must adhere to one rule - this amount should slightly exceed the money spent on the guest (namely, on the banquet part). Only those close to the bride and groom can give especially expensive gifts.
Apart from the ritual part, where guests are required to shower the newlyweds with rice and sweets on time, most guests do not have any special actions at the celebration. Therefore, further etiquette on how guests should behave at a wedding largely concerns the banquet part.
First of all, during the feast you should not move too far away from the table. If you need to wipe or blot something, you should use paper napkins. A special fabric napkin needs to be laid out on your knees. Only very young children should tie it around their neck or tuck it into their shirt collar.
All drinks at a wedding are always poured by men, filling the ladies' glasses first and then theirs. At the same time, they care not only for those who came with them, but also for all the women sitting next to them, if they do not have companions. That is why there must be at least one man at each table when seating guests.
The glasses do not need to be raised particularly high. They are only slightly raised above the table. And at the moment of clinking glasses, sharp blows should be avoided - a light touch with the edges is enough, during which a melodic chime of glass occurs.
When eating food, you should adhere to generally accepted etiquette standards:
- Liquid dishes are eaten with a spoon without tilting the plate.
- Chicken and fish are eaten with a fork, not with your hands.
- Meat is eaten with a fork and knife, and meat dishes such as rolls are eaten only with a fork.
- Soft cakes, such as sponge cakes, are pricked with a fork or eaten with a teaspoon, while harder cakes are eaten with your hands.
- The tea is only stirred with a spoon. You can't drink with it.
- After the end of the banquet, spoons, knives and forks are placed on a plate rather than left on the tablecloth.
Since during a banquet breaks are most often taken to make toasts, it is also important to follow three rules:
- The toast is made only with high-proof alcohol: vodka, wine, whiskey and other drinks. It is indecent to say a toast while holding a glass of beer in your hand.
- The toast should be short and without stories about the personal lives of the young people. It's better to think about the toast in advance.
- Every toast has its time.
What if guests come with children? Only one thing is important here - the parent must completely control the behavior of his child at the celebration. It is simply unreasonable to take sick children to a holiday.
But in addition to the general rules on how to behave at a wedding, there are also several important guidelines on how not to act under any circumstances.
What you should never do
First of all, the outfits of all those present should not conflict with the traditional colors of the newlyweds. There may be exceptions to this rule if we are talking about some kind of non-traditional ceremony (for example, a fashionable zombie wedding), but in any other case, none of the guests should be dressed entirely in white or black. A guest in an all-white dress will look especially out of place and may become the center of gossip.
Guests should not avoid photographers and videographers. Even if you don’t want to appear on film again, you shouldn’t advertise your attitude. Covering your face with your hands or purse is also prohibited.
You shouldn’t distract the newlyweds with your petty problems. If guests were seated in the wrong place or given the wrong dish (for example, meat instead of fish), then to resolve this conflict it is worth contacting the toastmaster or the organizer. Distracting the bride and groom with this is bad form.
According to etiquette, it is forbidden to show intemperance in drinking. Of course, the ability to ensure that guests do not get drunk is one of the professional qualities of a good toastmaster, but the guests themselves should remember what impression they will leave behind if they drink too much alcohol. The desire to eat as much as possible also does not increase the level of culture of the guest in the eyes of others.
There are also several phrases that should never be heard during a wedding:
- “Yes, I can imagine how much it cost you/how much such a wedding costs!” - Finding out other people's income is considered indecent in any case.
- “Well, when can we expect our first child?” - This question sounds especially ugly if the bride is already pregnant or is over 40 years old.
- “Wow, you’re getting married after all!” - in some cases, such a question may be considered harmless, but it is better to avoid it. At the same time, a similar statement addressed to the groom, that he is “finally getting married,” rarely evokes negative emotions. But it’s still not worth risking their location.
- “Do you know/have you seen the divorce statistics?” - even if this question is asked with the aim of showing concern, and not as a continuation of the conversation about the funds spent on the celebration, it still sounds inappropriate. The young family wanted a holiday in their honor and has every right to do so, without unnecessary worries.
- “Why didn’t you invite this person?” - if someone whom the guest would like to see at the wedding was not among those invited or could not come, you should under no circumstances ask about this at the wedding. Such a question will immediately put the bride and groom in an awkward position, because they cannot always explain the reason for their choice to everyone. And in general, the list of guests for a wedding is their own business.
Of course, the newlyweds may be offended by some other unfortunate personal question, but any of the following statements will forever set the couple against the guest. How should a guest behave at a wedding in order to leave behind a good memory? First of all, he shouldn’t say too much.
Well, it’s best to avoid dissatisfied facial expressions, judgments of anyone and the creation of various conflict situations during the wedding celebration. It is best for guests to resolve controversial issues after the celebration.
And yes, of course, a good wedding guest should not be late.
Yes: turn off the phone ringer
There's nothing worse than a wedding ceremony being interrupted by a phone call. Some organization experts even suggest introducing a rule to completely turn off gadgets. At a minimum, you should mute your phone and keep your phone out of sight for the most important moments.
Your attention should be focused on the ceremony. You are being invited to an incredibly important celebration, so be respectful. Don't take photos of every moment - you should look at the newlyweds with your own eyes, and not through your phone screen.
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What to do if someone is dissatisfied with something
One of the most common reasons for judgment at a wedding is the behavior of the bride. A young wife is always required to carefully observe rituals and requirements. But besides them, those present may also have their own thoughts about how the bride should behave at the wedding. And the bride may not agree with these prejudices at all.
The most ambiguous and conflict situations include:
- Bride dance on the dance floor, when a young girl dances freely with everyone. Some lovers of ancient traditions are convinced that the right bride should spend the entire celebration at the table, smiling like an idol, except for the ritual first dance with her husband. This problem can be solved in a simple way - let the toastmaster or wedding host announce that dancing with the bride will bring happiness to everyone. Then the young wife will be able to dance as much as she likes. The main thing is that those who want to get their piece of happiness are not too tired.
- The fatigue of the young wife and her desire to take a break from everyone amid the stormy, hours-long celebration is understandable to many people. But even here you can get a couple of sidelong glances in your direction. Unfortunately, if anyone is unhappy that the bride left the party to sleep on a soft chair for half an hour, then they will have to put up with it. The only thing is that it is best to relax after the formal part of the event is over and a simple entertainment program begins.
- Changing clothes and shoes of the bride or groom in the middle of the celebration into simpler and more comfortable clothes is almost never accepted in Russia. This is largely a European tradition - to get married in one outfit, and dance at the wedding in another. Or even completely - for dancing, take off your elegant sandals and wear simpler sneakers. But little by little, the tradition of dressing up is penetrating Russian weddings. Dissatisfied glances can be avoided in a rather elegant way. Let the toastmaster order special soft slippers or slippers for everyone present. Such slippers, embroidered with a wedding pattern, will serve as a pleasant souvenir, and during the celebration everyone can change their shoes to dance easily and pleasantly. Older guests will appreciate such care for the health of their feet and the safety of their holiday shoes, while young people will regard it as a funny joke.
In any case, the private opinion of one or two people that something is not accepted at a wedding is just their opinion and nothing more. Newlyweds should treat such disturbances with generosity and understanding. And, moreover, you should under no circumstances spoil your holiday because of this.
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A wedding celebration is necessary for people to dance and have fun, and not just sit at the table all evening. The number of people on the dance floor is an indicator of how much fun the ceremony is. Even if you don't know how to dance, try to get out and relax!
The newlyweds will certainly appreciate this. In addition, you can get a charge of pleasant emotions. Remember that such a day is the moment when you need to forget about your complexes and just allow yourself to enjoy. This is exactly what newlyweds want from you!
How to behave after the wedding
The wedding celebration is over and it’s time for everyone to go home. It would seem that you can throw away all the rules of decency and behave as you please. However, don't lose your head.
Guests are required to:
- Refrain from accidentally stealing any souvenirs from the feast. So, spoons and forks that belong to the banquet hall should not be taken with you.
- If drivers with buses are specially hired to transport guests home, guests should sit quietly in the car and wait the necessary time for departure.
- If leaving the celebration is planned much earlier, it is best to politely warn the newlyweds about this, explaining a good reason.
In any case, every good guest who is going to a wedding should, in addition to the gift, take care of having a sense of tact, a good mood and the right topics for communication. And even if you won’t be able to show off your wit and eloquence at the wedding, and the gift will not be as generous as you would like, prudent behavior will be appreciated by the newlyweds and other guests.
Yes: see dress code
Usually the invitations indicate what time the holiday will take place and where. However, do not forget to pay attention to the dress code. If you are required to maintain a formal style, you must prepare in advance. You definitely need to think about this.
A cocktail dress does not correspond to the official style, and a man will need to get a bow tie. If you are not sure what the requirements are, ask appropriate questions. This will allow you to feel comfortable at the ceremony without standing out among other guests.
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