What is it for?
An engagement is a way of announcing your intention to get married. Traditionally, such an action was mandatory.
The ritual made it clear that young people were ready to tie the knot. These days, engagement often loses its romantic overtones.
Many perceive the period from the moment of submitting an application to the registry office until the wedding as an opportunity to think and check feelings, as a time of preparation for the main celebration: choosing a banquet venue, drawing up an entertainment program and purchasing the necessary attributes. Important! Usually the day of application is considered the day of engagement.
In the modern world, it is absolutely not necessary to organize a magnificent celebration on this day .
And if the decision is made to celebrate, then only the future newlyweds and their parents often participate in the engagement. In this case, the engagement often turns into a discussion meeting at which the details of the wedding, financial issues related to it, the honeymoon, and the conditions of future married life are discussed.
Benefits of engagement.
Checking feelings.
Betrothal allows you to test love over time and everyday life. The couple feels the seriousness of their relationship, and it is often from this period that cohabitation begins. There are many joys, positive emotions ahead, but also tests of the strength of the future family.
Usually, immediately after the engagement, wedding planning and painstaking, difficult preparation for it begin. A previously friendly, calm, understanding couple may suddenly encounter serious conflicts or differences of interests at this stage. The number of guests, venue, style, entertainment, even the wedding menu can cause controversy. Future spouses will have to try to settle them peacefully, although this will not be easy, given:
- in a hurry . Even if the wedding is scheduled a year in advance, some details will still have to be done quickly, at the very last moment;
- pressure . “When is the wedding already?”, “It’s time”, as well as other tactless phrases will make anyone nervous;
- parallel cases . Preparing for an event is a very difficult task, but no one canceled work, study, and household responsibilities. You'll have to find a balance, try to get everything done, although there won't be much time.
For this reason, the services of wedding planning agencies are so popular. However, if the lovers successfully pass all the tests, their connection will only strengthen. In addition, this is a kind of “rehearsal” for the upcoming family life.
Recognition of the union.
Engagement makes the desire to get married public. Firstly, this is a serious step for the couple themselves, another proof of serious intentions towards each other. Secondly, such a decision forces others to perceive the lovers differently, more seriously. The parents of the bride and groom accept new members into their families and get to know them better . With a close acquaintance and a warm relationship, already at this stage the couple can call their mother-in-law, father-in-law, mother-in-law, father-in-law mom and dad. In the absence of objections from both sides, of course.
Thirdly, this recognition comes with responsibility, because now both partners will be expected to “continue” their story. For example, if lovers begin to delay the wedding, they may soon feel dissatisfaction on the part of relatives and their doubts about a serious approach to the engagement. Next, ridiculous rumors about discord will begin. And all because the number of people wanting to eat free salads at a wedding will exceed all standards of decency.
Legal security.
The betrothal itself has no legal basis. This is more of a tribute to tradition, a matter of personal taste, and not an official event like marriage.
And yet there are several “buts” that it is advisable to know about. They concern the breaking of an engagement. Many states have legalized the right to return gifts given in honor of a wedding, or to demand commensurate monetary compensation. In addition, one of the partners undertakes to reimburse part of the costs of organizing the celebration incurred by the other.
Everything is resolved in court if one of the parties does not want to agree to the requirements. Of course, in order to get your money back legally, you will have to provide evidence - checks, receipts, powers of attorney and other official documents.
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New stage.
Transforming from a guy to a groom or from a girl to a bride means moving to a new level of relationship. This is proof that partners grow together, move towards the same goal, and see each other as true allies. Relationships are perceived more as a starting stage, when people simply get to know each other, get to know each other, get used to each other, develop an opinion about each other, and then strengthen it. And getting engaged is already a sign of confidence, conscious choice, approval, serious views.
After such a ritual and awareness of its significance, the lovers can begin the “honeymoon rehearsal.” This is a period of emotional takeoff, when happiness from moving to a new level washes over you in a wave, although it has not yet reached the point of registering a marriage. That is why for many couples, the hassle of preparing for a wedding causes a joyful mood rather than heaviness and irritation.
The Russians
The betrothal ceremony in Rus' was a more significant event than the wedding itself. Since it was here that all the main issues related to the wedding, dowry and the future life of the future family were resolved.
Betrothal, hand-shaking, collusion are the obligatory stages of a traditional Russian engagement. The result of the conspiracy was a handshake and the compilation of a so-called row record, in which important points were clearly outlined. First of all, the dowry. The event was equated to the official conclusion of a contract.
Breaking an engagement was considered a disgrace. As a rule, in an agreement the amount of the penalty was agreed upon. It was paid by the party that initiates the termination. This amount was huge and placed a heavy burden on the family of the “guilty”.
Interesting! The engagement ended the period of girlhood and bachelorhood.
Traditions
- The ritual of conspiracy always took place in the bride's house . The time for such a meeting was fixed by her parents;
- After the end of the ceremony, the bride went out onto the porch, bowed and informed her friends and neighbors that she had been engaged;
- The bride's parents were required to give a dowry ; the groom was only required to give gifts for the future wife and her relatives;
- The dowry usually consisted of icons, a samovar, household utensils, bed linen, fabrics, towels, and furniture. The complete list was entered into a row entry;
- The efforts of organizing the wedding fell on the shoulders of the groom and his family..
Today
Engagement these days is an opportunity for the groom to impress the bride's family. Relatives do not always approve of marriage proposals, so it is very important for the future groom to think through all the nuances.
In order not to lose face, it is advisable to:
- do not come to the bride’s house empty-handed : present gifts to the bride and future mother-in-law, and for the future father-in-law choose a bottle of good cognac;
- agree on a time and place in advance : it is better to give the family time to prepare, because not everyone is ready for unexpected and such serious changes in life;
- Be moderately practical and think about the key terms of the marriage (you may have to negotiate a prenuptial agreement).
How do engagements usually take place? As a rule, the bride's parents set the table, and such a celebration takes place in a narrow family circle. After the engagement, the young people are officially considered the bride and groom.
Important! You should not give jewelry, cheap alcohol, or obviously skimp on gifts. It is better to choose small but good quality ones.
Idea No. 5. Journey
Can't imagine how to celebrate an engagement without a feast? We offer – travel. If you have a car, write down a route to a city where you have never been before. And feel free to hit the road. New emotions, people and places will breathe fresh air into your relationship. You will learn how wonderful it is to wake up in an unknown city in the arms of your loved one. Who knows if you will have this opportunity again?
KNOWLEDGE BASE: The best places for an outdoor ceremony in Russia and Europe (photo)
The journey can be long. Have you long dreamed of going to the islands or at least Turkey? If funds and time allow, arrange a honeymoon to celebrate your engagement. And after the wedding, start arranging the family hearth. Down with stereotypes!
How to do it?
In modern society, there are no strict rules for engagement. Usually families organize a celebration of their own choosing. The financial capabilities, tastes and preferences of the future spouses play a decisive role. In most cases, on the day of engagement, the groom gives the bride a ring - this is considered a tradition.
An engagement can be either a major celebration or a simple tea party in a small circle. Sometimes young people prefer to have an engagement party in private. If there is a celebration at which guests are present, then the father of the bride, according to tradition, will tell those gathered the news about the upcoming wedding.
Interesting! In the USA and some other countries, a marriage contract is signed during the engagement. And in Germany, from this day on, a guy and a girl can live together.
At all times, engagement has been an opportunity for families not only to get to know each other, but also to evaluate each other's well-being.
Useful tips
Ring
Important! You should definitely give the future bride a ring (preferably gold with a precious stone). This is both a sign of attention, and a guarantee of her consent, and another reason to please your girlfriend.
To be sure that you will like the gift, you can ask the bride’s mother for advice or ask her to help choose a ring.
Surprise
The element of surprise can only be used in relation to the bride. Everyone else, especially the parents of future newlyweds, should be informed. This will help avoid unpleasant surprises, because engagement requires the blessing of the parents and their consent.
Planning
If you are planning a party, you need to plan it in advance. We'll have to decide:
- who will be present;
- how many people to invite;
- in what format the celebration will take place;
- what costs will you have to bear;
- Are there any thank you notes or small gifts for guests?
Advice! It is better to invite only those guests to the engagement party that you want to see at the wedding. This can avoid hurt feelings and awkward situations.
A few more recommendations:
- If there are a lot of people, you should consider inviting a presenter ;
- To ensure that the party is at the highest level, take care of photographs and video recording ;
- If the format allows, be sure to include competitions and entertainment for guests in the holiday program. They shouldn't be bored;
- If funds allow, it is better to use the services of a special agency for organizing celebrations. This will save you a lot of hassle. And it will make you feel like you are the owner of the holiday.
The right time
It is very good to make marriage proposals on holidays : March 8, Valentine's Day, New Year, Christmas. As a rule, these events are colored with positive emotions, and the chances of being rejected are much less.
Advice! You should remember or find out what your loved one likes and doesn’t like, so as not to create an awkward situation.
Under no circumstances should you make an offer casually. There should be no casual tone. This is a sign of disrespect!
Idea No. 3. Mini wedding
An engagement party can be a great rehearsal for your wedding. Organize a celebration at a recreation center or on the terrace of a restaurant where you plan to celebrate your wedding. For a party, think about entertainment and treats for guests.
A mini-wedding will require good organization. Distribute tasks with your loved one: who is in charge of decoration, entertainment and invitations. A mandatory item is ordering food. In the fresh air, the appetite always runs wild, so there should be a lot of snacks. If there is not enough food, the guests will quickly get drunk or go home early. Prepare food boxes in advance. In case there are any snacks left over, you can hand them out to your guests. After such careful preparation, your real wedding will definitely go off without a hitch. If you are planning to contact a wedding agency, then at this party you can test the work of the catering service, decorator and photographer.
KNOWLEDGE BASE: Summer wedding: where and how to hold the celebration?
There is one “but” in this format - high costs. If a large party is too much for you, hold a house party with less active competitions. Announce the tea party format and make only a sweet table. This will help you save a lot of your wedding budget.
