Civil marriage: pros and cons, arguments for and against, difference from official relationships

Civil marriage is a compromise between women who want to get married and men who want to remain unmarried at all costs. It is precisely the polar difference in the goals and perceptions of a civil union that leads to so much discussion around such relationships.

Statistics on this issue are more than eloquent - only 20% of civil marriages develop into official status. And in terms of the number of divorces, couples who have conducted a preliminary “test drive” of family relationships file for divorce twice as often as those who had no experience of living together before marriage.

Why does this type of family remain the most popular among the younger generation all over the world? What “pitfalls” are fraught with civil marriage, what are its main pros and cons? Read our article.

Is it worth living in a civil marriage: arguments for and against

Today, at the everyday level, the concept of “civil marriage” is the cohabitation of a man and a woman without formalizing the relationship.

Similar unions have other names:

actual marriage;
informal marriage;
marriage-like relationships;
actual marital relationship.

The number of people living in informal marriages is growing every year. Moreover, this trend is more or less widespread throughout the world. The question naturally arises: is it worth living in a civil marriage?

If he is so popular, why does he have so many opponents? To understand why positions on this issue have divided people into two camps, you just need to consider the pros and cons of actual marriage.

For a man

BEHIND:

Argument	A comment
Freedom from obligations	It’s like a free sample: if you like it, the “spouse” will stay in the relationship, if not, he’ll leave at any minute.
The semblance of a full-fledged family	A caring woman appears, a home where they love and wait. At the same time, they do not require anything in return.
Solving everyday problems	A man is freed from a good share of housework: cleaning, ironing, washing, cooking, etc.
Saving on marriage	For those whose money aspect occupies top positions, there is an opportunity to save on the wedding ceremony. And, by the way, not only money, but also nerves.
Test of strength	Everyday life very often “eats” relationships; even the most sublime and romantic feelings do not stand the test of family life.
No legal red tape	The couple does not have any legal liability during a “divorce.”

AGAINST:

Argument	A comment
Unfree personal life	Despite the fact that a man considers himself single in a civil union, it will be very difficult to have an affair on the side. There are few people who want to date, albeit a common-law, but still someone else’s husband.
"Symbolic" mother-in-law	A mother-in-law, albeit a conditional one, may appear in a relationship. And, of course, she will think that her daughter is being offended by refusing to marry. Hence the inevitable conflicts.
Limiting personal time	A “semi-married” man is less likely to devote time to communicating with his friends and work colleagues. After all, the same “semi-married” woman is waiting for him at home.
Total control	The wife, although not entirely “real,” will track her husband with redoubled force. After all, he must be brought to the registry office at all costs.

As you can see, a civil marriage for a man had more advantages than disadvantages. But sometimes even one minus can outweigh several pluses.

Now let’s try to figure out what negative and positive aspects a civil marriage will bring to a woman.

For woman

BEHIND:

Argument	A comment
Compatibility test	Living under the same roof will give you the opportunity to try on the roles of husband and wife. It’s good if both participants in the “experiment” cope with their tasks. If not, then it is not at all necessary to enter into an official marriage. You can just quietly disperse.
Relieving everyday problems	Not every woman is capable of running a household alone. Hammering a nail, fixing a shelf or a leaking faucet - all these nuances are much easier for a man to solve.
No loneliness	Be that as it may, a civil union gives (sometimes, however, illusory) a sense of family and comfort.
No problems with the legal side of the issue	If a woman is more successful financially, then there is no risk of “encroachments” on her property. An unmarried spouse will not be able to divide the dowry of his common-law wife.

AGAINST:

Argument	A comment
No guarantees	It is impossible to plan marriage in an informal marriage. The common-law partner only offers to live together. We're not talking about a wedding.
Marriage-like relationships have no legal force	For the state, two people living together without a stamp in their passport are nothing to each other, even if there is complete agreement in their civil family.
The risk of being a single mother	Sometimes a child born in a civil marriage leads the couple to the registry office and official relations. But there are also frequent cases when an unobligated “probationary spouse” leaves his pregnant common-law wife. Moreover, it will be quite difficult to receive alimony from him after the birth of the baby.
Psychological difficulties of education	The child’s psychology is designed in such a way that he will take informal relationships for granted. In the future, he will most likely transfer this model of behavior to his own family life.
Religious taboo	Orthodoxy denies such relationships, considering them fornication.

As we see, for women the situation is exactly the opposite. There are not so many advantages of an informal marriage, but there are more than enough problems.

Advantages

It is worth noting that only one of its parties, namely the man, receives the most benefits from a civil marriage. Therefore, representatives of the stronger sex more easily agree to this form of relationship and often even initiate it themselves. Common positive aspects for both sides are the factors described below.

Opportunity to “rehearse” an official marriage

Before entering into such a relationship, a man and a woman can live together for some time to determine how compatible they are in everyday life, what views they have on housekeeping, distribution of finances, organization of leisure time, etc. It
may turn out that they are completely They cannot get along on the same territory and do not agree on fundamentally important issues. In this case, a civil marriage will help the parties avoid a quick divorce and the negative consequences associated with it. The couple will simply separate, without having to divide property and waste time and effort on completing various documents.

No obligation

Neither party in the relationship owes anything to the other, but there are no rights either. In a situation with a registered marriage, the list of mutual rights and obligations is enshrined in law, in particular, in the Family Code of the Russian Federation.

Ease of termination

Since there is no official registration of the relationship, it is easier to end it - the initiator of the breakup can simply leave the partner, even without any explanation.
When officially registering, you must, at a minimum, contact the registry office or even the court (if there are children, property disputes, etc.). It is worth considering that these advantages will only be valid if both parties view civil marriage in approximately the same way. Otherwise, even the factors listed above for a man or woman (often) will be rather negative.

What's wrong with creating a "trial family" from a religious point of view?

If a woman is an Orthodox Christian, then civil marriage for her is a sin. Orthodoxy recognizes only those couples who have registered their relationship in the registry office. Moreover, without a marriage certificate, the priest will not marry the couple.

Censure from the church occurs for several reasons:

love without obligations in the Orthodox Church is considered fornication, living against the commandments of God;
there is no stamp in the passport, which means there is no serious attitude towards the family and no readiness not only for the joys of marriage, but also for the hardships and problems that are inevitable in family life;
reluctance to formalize the relationship speaks either of distrust of each other or of disdainful attitude in the couple. If in a relationship there is love, loyalty and a desire to share sorrows and joys, what can prevent two people from becoming official husband and wife?

Some priests give an example of how slippery the path of civil marriage is. They compare it to a house whose doors are always open. On the one hand, you can always leave, on the other, it’s cold and uncomfortable in such a home.

Demographic problems

Many people decide to start a family when they think about children. On the contrary, civil marriage is perceived as an opportunity to live for oneself, without any obligations to a partner.

This position leads to the following consequences:

deliberate childlessness: what is the childfree movement worth, which has gathered quite a lot of adherents;
a high percentage of pregnancy terminations: often due to fear that an unwanted child may lead to the end of the relationship with a partner;
female infertility due to abortions.

All this has a bad effect on the demographic situation . Negative phenomena can be seen especially strongly now, when the generation of the 90s has reached childbearing age (remember that it was precisely this period in the past that corresponded to a sharp decline in the birth rate in the country).

To summarize the above, we note that civil marriage is a very controversial phenomenon. It has both positive and negative sides.

Considering that such cohabitation often jeopardizes the rights of partners, as well as their children, it should be treated with caution.

Being, in fact, outside the law, this type of family relationship is not regulated by any legal acts.

But on the other hand, no one can deprive a person of the right to choose a civil marriage as a norm, just as no one can protect someone who has made their choice from possible consequences.

1 comment on the article “Pros and cons of civil marriage for women and men”

V
Maria writes:
From a legal point of view, a civil marriage is still a “registry office” marriage. Due to its fragility and dissolution, it is not real. This is simply state registration of sexual relations in exchange for some state guarantees of “protection of the rights” of the participants in the process. Gentlemen, only a marriage CERNED IN THE CHURCH is real, without involving the services of the state apparatus. If your feelings are sincere and creating a family is conscious, then you will be together under any circumstances, because... a married marriage is INDISOLVABLE! Everything else can be easily resolved within the framework of civil law
Answer

Financial issues and joint budget when cohabiting

An unofficial marriage has another sensitive side - the financial issue. It can ruin even the strongest relationships.

To avoid problems, it is important to decide on the family budget model at the very beginning. There can be three of them:

separate . Each spouse manages their finances independently. At the same time, they share the expenses of the family equally. For example, one of the cohabitants pays the bills for the apartment, the other pays for the purchase of groceries;
general . All funds are added to a common piggy bank by mutual agreement. Spent after a joint decision. Planning a budget is much easier. Family relationships become more trusting and united;
mixed . This is a combined model. From the total budget she took an equal contribution to the family purse. And from separate - the ability to dispose of the remaining funds at your own discretion. The size of the amount that each spouse puts into the family piggy bank is discussed at the “family council,” as well as where the money set aside together will go.

Some tips on the material side of the issue:

If you plan to purchase real estate from the general budget, then it is better to arrange it in equal shares. In the event of termination of the informal relationship, the court will give ownership rights to the person to whom the housing is registered;
When opening a bank account for one of the spouses, do not forget to issue a power of attorney for the right to use funds for the other partner. If we are talking about shared money on a card, then you need to link another card to it in order to create equal access to the family budget;
When applying for a loan for one of the participants in a civil marriage, do not forget to issue a guarantee for the second partner. Even if the bank does not require it. Then responsibility for the debts will be fairly distributed between both spouses.

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Gender relations to cohabitation

It is noteworthy that the majority of girls, living together with men, consider themselves married without registering their marriage. Representatives of the stronger sex, on the contrary, consider themselves single.

However, if a few decades ago it was generally accepted that a woman constantly strives for family life, and men want to prolong the joy of freedom, then today everything is completely ambiguous.

Nowadays, many women are very focused on their own ambitions, careers and autonomy. Accordingly, girls also often postpone the wedding “until better times.” One way or another, ladies find much more negative things in a civil marriage.

If a woman wants to get married, then waiting for the wedding is associated with significant stress. This is due to the following reasons:

lack of a sense of confidence in your man and stability;
lack of opportunity to realize maternal qualities;
pressure from relatives;
slow development of complexes;
fear that a man is simultaneously paying attention to another girl.

Constant anxiety becomes the cause of domestic quarrels, which often provoke discord in the couple. Many women believe that a man in a civil marriage has a lot of advantages. That is, he remains free, but is always fed, happy and tidy.

In addition, the woman, very afraid of losing her chosen one, still takes care of herself and shows off her culinary and household talents. This means that she wants to appear in the best light in front of her lover. For obvious reasons, men really like it.

Legal rights of children born out of wedlock

In Russia, illegitimate children have the same rights as children born in an official marriage:

the right to receive maintenance from one's parents;
the right to joint residence and use of housing of either parent;
inheritance rights.

The birth of a child in a civil marriage will not cause difficulties if the father immediately recognizes him officially (by writing an application together with his wife at the registry office) and gives the baby his patronymic and surname.

If a man refuses to confirm paternity, then the child is automatically deprived of the rights to alimony and inheritance of property (if there is no will). But in this case, the woman always has the opportunity to establish paternity through the court and restore the child’s inheritance rights, as well as the opportunity to receive alimony from the father.

A man may have some difficulties if his common-law wife refuses to write a joint statement due to hostile relations with her former unofficial spouse. Then the father will also have to establish his paternity through the court.

How are registered relationships different from unregistered ones?

Let's consider this issue from the point of view of our legislation.

Property division . If lovers decide to separate and they are not registered, the property is not divided and is not considered jointly acquired. Roughly speaking, after a breakup, everyone is left with what belongs to them according to the documents. For example, while still living together, if a car was purchased, it will remain with the person in whose name it is registered. But in the official version, all property acquired during marriage is divided exactly in half between them.
Debts . In a secular marriage, loans are divided equally upon divorce; any loan or mortgage will also fall on the shoulders of both. In “Cohabitation” - how the lovers themselves decided, or to whom the so-called debt was registered. The law does not provide for forcing the second “spouse” to pay after a breakup if he does not want to. Even if the money was spent on the needs of two.
Inheritance. You shouldn’t count on an inheritance in an informal relationship if your beloved dies, unless a will has been left. But in a marriage union, the legal spouse will receive inherited capital in any case.

Negative aspects from a legal point of view

The lawyer’s position is that there are many more disadvantages to cohabitation than advantages. In particular:

Cohabitation is not equivalent to a legal marriage and does not create a legal precedent for a partner if he needs to certify the status of the relationship.
The cohabitant is not a family member, so he cannot be freely registered in the chosen one’s living space, and he also does not receive the right to use the housing.
The same applies to renting residential premises. Only the person who entered into the agreement receives the rights of a tenant, and an additional agreement on the right of residence is drawn up for the second tenant. By agreement of the owner and the tenant, the additional agreement can be canceled.
The birth of a child may be subject to additional legal complications: recognition of paternity rights, obligations to provide for the child and mother until the child is 3 years old.
It is difficult for cohabitants to form common property, since each participant in the relationship is afraid of being deceived. They have to keep receipts and other documents for purchasing things for the home. And in the event of a divorce, the court will not defend either party during the division of property.
No official situation recognizes the relationship of cohabitants. For example, in a hospital or place of work, a cohabitant will never be provided with the necessary information. The same applies to security institutions and civil litigation.
Inheritance as a problem. Sometimes couples live without registration for the rest of their lives and accumulate certain property baggage. But in the event of the death of one of the partners, the second cannot become his heir. Often property is unfairly transferred to the relatives of the deceased.

In addition, lawyers note the fact that the union of people who have gone through the so-called school of unofficial marriage does not become stronger. According to statistics based on public opinion polls, only 20% of trial unions develop into official relationships. And if they are registered, they break up 50% more often than those where there was no such experience.