Matchmaking
It all starts with the groom's relatives helping him find a girl who will suit him as a bride. Next, the groom and his closest relatives head to the girl’s house, hoping that her father will agree to marry off his daughter. If the answer is positive, they begin to discuss the topic regarding the bride price. We must immediately warn you that the groom was not always lucky to receive a blessing from his future father-in-law the first time. Often he sent the annoying guy away with nothing.
The goal could be achieved after the second, third, etc. approach Apparently, in this way the firmness of intentions was tested. This is exactly how a Kabardian wedding begins, in Nalchik for example.
After the families agreed on the bride price, they moved on to the next stage - bridesmaids. The ritual of exchanging wedding rings was not delayed for long. As soon as the groom paid part of the previously agreed upon amount of dowry, he was given the opportunity to take his beloved out of her parents’ house.
From that moment on, the bride and groom were settled in different houses. According to tradition, the future husband and relatives should not contact for some time. The rule was especially harsh in relation to the bride, groom and elders. Only after a long period of time was it possible to bring the beloved to the yearning guy. First of all, the girl examined the room where the young people would soon live. The common room was allowed to be seen after a few weeks. Kabardian weddings are about observing all traditions and rituals.
Such a superficial description is not able to reflect the spectacular rituals of the Kabardian wedding, of which in reality there are many. Unfortunately, with each new generation, traditions and rituals are gradually forgotten and lose their original content. Although modern Kabardian weddings often feature national costumes and spirited dance elements, not all indigenous residents like this. What makes them angry?
Traditional milestones of Kabardian matchmaking
The main feature of Kabardians is their thoroughness and slowness. Therefore, they did not come to a common decision regarding marriage soon. At the next stage, the bride’s ritual viewing takes place, and if everything went smoothly, they begin to plan the engagement. Matchmaking among Kabardians is carried out strictly in accordance with centuries-old traditions and is always carried out according to the same well-established scenario. At some point, the groom gives the girl’s relatives a pre-agreed part of the bride price, and with their consent can now take the bride beyond the threshold of her house. This action also takes place strictly according to protocol. Matchmaking is no less spectacular and eventful than the wedding itself.
The Kabardian wedding ceremony requires that the bride and groom live in different houses. Until the very day of the celebration, the young man cannot see his relatives, elders, and especially his bride. Only after a long period of time spent alone and thinking about her future life, the bride was brought to the house of her future husband, where she was accommodated in a room reserved for their life together. She was only allowed to go into the common room after several weeks, or even months.
Modern traditions of Kabardian weddings
In the scenarios of modern Kabardian weddings, the kidnapping of the bride is considered a mandatory ritual. Relatives received the girl in their house. The parents who came to the chosen one asked her whether she agreed. This did not happen in ancient times. If the answer was yes, then from that moment on the young couple was considered husband and wife. The marriage was necessarily registered by a Muslim priest, an imam, invited to the house.
A beautiful Kabardian wedding, like all other holidays, is celebrated at home. Local residents cannot imagine that it could be organized in some cafe or restaurant. This is explained by the fact that if the girl refuses, she should be able to freely return to her home. This option was not provided in previous years. As soon as the marriage is concluded in compliance with all Muslim traditions, the newlyweds begin to prepare for an exciting celebration.
Traditions of Kabardian matchmaking
The groom's relatives search for a worthy bride even before he decides to get married. After the choice is made, matchmakers are sent to the family of the prospective bride with proposals for marriage. The eldest in the groom's family goes to get married. The bride's family is given several months to accept or refuse the proposal. Often the girl’s parents did not give their consent the first time, then the matchmaking ritual was repeated several times. If consent is received, the two families begin to slowly negotiate about the dowry. Interestingly, the groom is allowed to see the girl only in the presence of her mother or sister. Matchmaking among Kabardians always takes place the same way, according to the same scenario, strictly observing customs.
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How do modern European traditions influence the celebration of a Kabardian wedding?
Modern European trends penetrate the traditions of all peoples living outside Europe. Every year, national rituals are forgotten and identity is lost. Nowadays, not a single wedding is complete without an expensive car; everyone present tries to dress in the latest fashion. And, of course, the solemn event must be filmed on video and recorded on a digital storage medium. Special Kabardian toasts are also prepared for the wedding.
The opinions of the indigenous people are divided into opposites: some approve of the innovations, others remain adherents of the traditions of their ancestors.
Ultimately, the right to choose how to celebrate the wedding is given to the relatives of the newlyweds. In any case, Kabardian weddings are fun and spectacular.
Customs and traditions of Kabardians: loyalty to the principles of Adyghe Khabze
The encyclopedist scientist Peter Simon Pallas, who explored the southern provinces of Russia at the end of the 18th century, wrote that the main feature of the Kabardian ethnic group is politeness taken to the extreme. Honoring elders, respect for a woman, attention to a guest - for a Kabardian all this is not just adherence to etiquette. Being the most numerous branch of the united Adyghe people, Kabardians are guided in everyday life by the ancient moral and ethical code of Adyghe Khabze.
Family foundations of Kabardians: the power of the elder is equal to the power of God, the husband creates the wife, and the wife creates the husband:
Family is the most important thing for Kabardians. It is here that the traditions and customs of the Kabardians are revered sacredly and inviolably. Respect for elders is one of the main commandments of the Circassians. Not a single young man will allow himself to fail to show the old people due signs of respect. Even Kabardian table traditions are predominantly determined by family hierarchy.
Equally great is the veneration of marriage ties among the people. And although a Muslim husband has the right to divorce even without giving a reason, according to Kabardians, one can only marry once, otherwise the hierarchy of family values is violated. One of the folk wisdoms says: “The first wife is your wife, the second wife you are the wife.”
Kabardians have many rituals associated with the birth of children. Among them are the custom of “tying into a cradle,” competitions on the occasion of the birth of a son, and the Lateeuve holiday, dedicated to the first steps.
Guest Adyghe sits in the fortress
The traditions of the Kabardians regarding hospitality provide absolute protection to everyone who comes to the door. Customs provided for significant fines, measured in tens of heads of cattle, for insulting a guest or causing him serious harm.
A Kabardian will accept even his worst enemy with all honors. The most elegant and expensively furnished room in a Kabardian house is the kunatskaya, lavishly decorated with carpets, dishes, and weapons. Extremely moderate in food, Kabardians will put on the table everything that is in the house for a guest. The most honored guest sat at the table alone; the owner could join the meal only after lengthy persuasion. Only people who were absolutely equal in status started eating together.
There is no such thing as too many brothers: Kabardian traditions of atalism
The well-known Caucasian custom - atalychestvo, or the adoption of boys into the family - was also common among the Kabardians. But although it was customary to call a child taken into care a son, atalism and adoption should not be confused. Having reached the age of majority, the pupil returned to his native land, provided with a horse, clothes and weapons. The young man's relatives generously presented the atalyk in return. Sometimes girls were also handed over to the atalyks for upbringing. And despite the fact that after coming of age they again lived in their parents’ house, the bride price paid by the groom was transferred not to the father, but to the atalyk.
Traditions and customs of Kabardian wedding
One of the small nationalities of the Middle East, living in the foothills of the Caucasus, are the Kabardians. Due to their isolated location and free spirit, they try to preserve their culture, and a Kabardian wedding is a clear demonstration of their customs.
The roots of the traditions according to which the holiday takes place, as well as the rituals preceding it, according to various sources, go back to 2-4 thousand BC. e. Such ancient origins make the whole celebration very unusual and original, which is ideal for newlyweds who want to have a unique wedding.
How does matchmaking and engagement work?
Kabardians are a rather leisurely people, especially in such an important matter as choosing a bride. It is believed that a young man cannot adequately assess how good a woman will be for him as a wife. Therefore, relatives take a closer look at available girls, drawing conclusions about how well they are brought up.
This is a rather slow method, but it allows you to collect all the information about a potential relative. Thanks to this, even a small stain on the girl’s reputation will be noticed, which will worsen her chances of a good marriage. When a guy expresses a desire to marry a girl, and if the elders of the family have no objections, then matchmakers are sent to the bride’s parents.
Among the delegation there must be an eldest man in the family who talks about his desire to become related. Parents can immediately refuse the groom, or take time to think about the proposal. Sometimes the reflection period reaches 4–5 months. After this, a second meeting takes place, where the decision is announced.
Sometimes the bride’s parents may immediately refuse the groom, but if the man is serious, then he tries to correct as quickly as possible what the girl’s family did not like. After this, matchmakers are sent again, but 3-4 months should pass between visits. When permission is received, the matchmakers and parents thoughtfully discuss the size of the bride price. This may take 1–3 months, depending on the frequency of meetings. It is considered incorrect and too suspicious if an agreement is reached very quickly.
When the conditions are satisfied by both parties, the engagement is considered concluded, after which preparations for the wedding begin.
Bridesmaids and bride price
The slowness of Kabardians is fully reflected in wedding traditions. After the matchmaking ceremony, the bride's ritual viewing takes place. And only if they are successfully completed, they begin to prepare for the engagement. It should be noted that you don’t have to wait long for the ritual of exchanging wedding rings. The bride's ransom or "coming off the pillow" is very interesting: the girl, surrounded by friends, stands on the pillow, and the groom's relatives begin to ransom her. When the groom pays the pre-agreed portion of the bride price, he can take his future wife out of her parents' house. The bride must leave and enter the house exclusively with her right foot. At the same time, without turning around or stumbling, because according to beliefs, the souls of the dead live under the threshold. Newlyweds were required to live in separate houses. According to custom, the groom was not allowed to see or talk with relatives, the bride and elders until the wedding day. Only after days spent alone with herself, with her own thoughts, was the bride brought to the house of her future husband. She settled in a room that was reserved for their life together. But the girl was not allowed to visit the common room for a couple of weeks. There is another very funny wedding custom and it is called “elopement of the old lady” - the grandmother of the newlywed. It is carried out to show their respect for elders. The newlyweds are obliged to return the grandmother back after elopement, thus showing that she will always be welcome in their home. Kabardian weddings are very spectacular. Unfortunately, with each subsequent generation, customs and traditions are forgotten. And modern weddings often feature only national costumes and dances, which causes indignation among older residents.
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Celebration
Modern weddings take place only by mutual consent, although previously a man could steal the girl he liked. If she was not returned before nightfall, then the parents had to give consent to the marriage, otherwise their daughter would be covered in shame because she spent the night not in her own home.
Now marriage consists of several stages:
- Blessing by the imam, who conducts the ceremony in accordance with Muslim traditions. After this, the marriage is considered concluded, and the girl is taken to the groom’s room, which is where they will live. The next day the marriage is declared confirmed, and sometimes a bloody sheet is shown. But the last point of the custom is performed extremely rarely.
- After this, the man’s parents celebrate a successful wedding, say toasts, dance, sing songs, express many deep sayings in their language, while simultaneously preparing for the official celebration. On the third day, they are joined by the bride's relatives, who bring with them her dowry.
- When everything is ready, the newlyweds officially register the marriage. However, their parents are not present at this part of the wedding.
- After receiving official confirmation, the newlyweds move to the groom's house, where the main celebration will take place.
There are several mandatory traditions that are strictly observed at every wedding:
- The groom is seated at a table with men of both clans, who communicate with him, and is introduced to the elders. After that, they turn off the lights and try to steal his headdress. The young man must show all his dexterity to prevent this.
- Before the beautiful bride enters the hall, a ram skin is spread on the floor. The girl stands on the sheepskin, and her relatives try to pull the skin from under her feet. The newlywed must maintain balance; it is good if she does not sway too much. It is absolutely unacceptable to fall.
When all the tests have been passed, the newlyweds dance, and relatives shower them with coins and millet, wishing them well-being and prosperity.
According to tradition, if men who are not relatives of the bride or groom are present at a wedding, the girl’s face should be covered with an opaque cloth, men and women celebrate in separate rooms without intersecting.
Wedding
The customs of Kabardians include many interesting rituals. One of the most exciting events is the wedding. Kabardians are in no hurry to decide to get married, approaching this matter very seriously. Often, several months or even years pass between the choice of a future spouse and the wedding day. The wedding ceremony is preceded by the following rituals:
- Matchmaking. The search for a suitable candidate by the groom's relatives takes more than one day. When a worthy bride is found, matchmakers are sent to her house. Sometimes they go several times until consent for marriage is received.
- Agreeing on the amount of dowry. The families of the bride and groom discuss the bride price. Often this conversation is accompanied by disputes, bargaining and lasts until the parties reach a mutual agreement.
- Bride. The meeting of future spouses takes place in the bride's house. On the appointed day, the groom comes to visit, and the betrothal ceremony is held there in accordance with Muslim traditions.
- Payment of part of the dowry. When most of the bride price has been collected, it is given to her relatives. After this, the wedding date is set.
- Taking the bride out of the house. After paying the share of the bride price, the groom has the right to take his bride out. A whole wedding train consisting of the groom's friends usually comes for her. The beautifully dressed bride was released by her relatives under a comic ransom.
- "Hide" in other people's houses. According to the tradition of Kabardians, young people are resettled in other people's (different) houses. From this moment on, communication between the bride and groom stops.
- Moving to the groom's house. The bride is brought to the groom's home secretly. First of all, she inspects the room where she will live, and does not leave it for a whole week. At this time she does not communicate with anyone.
- Rite of reconciliation. The groom's parents reconcile with their daughter-in-law when she emerges from her temporary "imprisonment." After this, a wedding celebration is held, lasting several days.
There are several customs that are strictly observed. The groom is seated at a table with other men, after which they turn off the lights and try to pull off his headdress. The groom should not allow this. For the bride, they spread the skin of a ram on the floor, place the bride on it, and then suddenly try to pull the skin out from under the girl’s feet. The newlywed's task is to maintain balance. After all the tests comes the turn of dancing and showering the newlyweds with millet and coins.
Gradually, customs are lost, and now the most beautiful Kabardian wedding does not include a full set of rituals. The modern interpretation of traditions often comes down to only common elements - traditional outfits, music, singing, parting words. The location of the celebration has changed. If previously it was a home, now the celebration is often celebrated in a cafe/restaurant. A girl has the right to simply return to her parents if she does not want marriage.
