Family relationship crisis after 5-7 years: solutions

It may be stereotypical, but it happens. When your family life seemed to have already settled down and was going along the way, the crisis of 7 years of marriage was knocking on the door.

You realize that you are gradually moving away from each other. Talk less, there is no longer a spark in your eyes, your habits are a little annoying, and life has become boring and monotonous.

And you, most likely, have noticed how your husband looks in the other direction, but you again want to go on a real date.

What to do? Should you get a divorce or look for a solution on how to overcome the crisis of 7 years of marriage? I suggest you don't give up without a fight. You will always have time to disperse.

It may sound trite, but a family is like a ship—it’s easier to repair than to rebuild.

Therefore, you don’t have any time left for complaining and whining. Are you ready? Then let's go.

Who is guilty?

If you really want to save your relationship with your husband, just remove this question from your consciousness. Those who are looking for someone to blame are those who want to shift the blame onto anyone other than themselves.

This is one of the options for procrastination - looking for someone to blame and justifying yourself, but just not moving on.

Admit that you, too, have a “stigma.” And perhaps even more than your husband.

He became inattentive to you, silent, and stopped giving flowers and gifts. Maybe you devoted too much of yourself to your child?

Or have you forgotten that in addition to the robe, there are also beautiful dresses that should make you happy?

By the way, asking your husband out on a date is a woman’s initiative that is very useful for relationships. If you have a family crisis, your man will definitely be surprised.

But you didn’t call him yourself, did you? Confess in the comments.

She probably criticized him for the fact that “Vovka wears flowers to Sveta every day,” but you won’t get a bouquet from him even on March 8th. That your dad nails the shelves better, that you want not to go to the cinema, but to the theater, and for a long time.

Admit that you are not perfect in relationships either. If you can’t figure out what your faults are, ask your husband about it. The main thing is not to pretend to be an ideal, suffering from the coldness and indifference of a domestic tyrant.

How to overcome the crisis

A crisis is not the easiest period in a relationship. But now you will learn how to overcome it. To do this, you must know what to do so as not to destroy your family nest during a difficult period. You will have to gather your strength and try to establish harmony in your relationship. Below I will give recommendations that will help you survive the crisis, cope with it and minimize losses:

Conversation

Do not neglect communication, talk to each other in calm tones. You should not only express your dissatisfaction, but you also need to be able to listen to your partner. Find out what doesn’t suit your husband in your family life after so many years of relationship. Your spouse, like you, has his own feelings and opinions. He is also worried about what is happening and wants to resolve all the issues that have arisen.

Showing feelings

Don’t hide your feelings, show care, love, tenderness and affection to your loved one. Express it not only in words. Show this through your actions: serve your spouse freshly prepared coffee in the morning, help with household chores, prepare lunch together, smile more often and praise your partner...

Concessions

When you feel irritated, don't suppress it. Talk to your spouse about this. Find out from him what traits of your character and behavior are beginning to irritate him. Together, try to remove annoying character traits from your behavior, for the benefit of overall family happiness.

common goal

Do you feel a crisis approaching in your family? Go on a trip, to a resort, or on a vacation together. Try to spend time together as much as possible, rather than avoiding each other.

Alternative to a common goal

If it is impossible to go on vacation together, try redistributing responsibilities around the house. Experience for yourself how difficult or uncomfortable it was for your other half to do them.

Look in the mirror

Let's look at the appearance. Look at your reflection and honestly admit what you don’t like about yourself. Perhaps, devoting yourself to caring for children and household chores, you pay little attention to yourself.

It's time to fix it. Find time for yourself. Buy a new dress, go to the salon, get your hair done and let yourself relax.

Now you will say that there is no time. Believe me, from the experience of participants in the online course The Way of a Woman. The Beginning , I know for sure - if there is a desire, there will always be opportunities.

Your husband will definitely notice and appreciate your transformation. And if you greet him correctly from work, just try and see his reaction.

Features of the crisis of 7 years in marriage

The number 7 in this case is conditional; problems in family relationships may occur a little earlier or later. This period comes in the life of absolutely any couple, but not everyone can cope. But why does the so-called crisis occur in a relationship of 7 years? The answer to this question lies in the following explanations:

1. Children. 7 years of marriage is a fairly serious period of time, during which children appear in the family - from one to three. Additional expenses are necessary, the man has to work more. A woman devotes more time to her children rather than her husband.
2. Weekdays. There is no longer any place for frequent holidays and romantic dates. Family life becomes monotonous and goes on as if according to a schedule. Often people, wanting to add color to gray everyday life, look for it outside the family.
3. Age characteristics. People who have been married for 7 years are approximately 30 years of age or older. It is at this moment that sexuality blossoms. But the intimate life of spouses cannot always be called ideal. Again, it’s a matter of habit, routine, shifting priorities.

Financial problems can also contribute to the emergence of problems - dismissal, salary reduction, demotion. Not all couples can cope with serious stressful situations - the death of relatives, especially children, the birth of a disabled child.

You can't be silent!

Lack of communication is a typical problem for couples who have been together for a long time. Recently, this trend has been exacerbated by gadgets and social networks.

How to find time to communicate with your husband if Lenka posted her vacation in Cyprus on FB, Marinka invited her to the Flea Market, and you urgently need to post a beautiful scrambled egg on Insta?

But you still need to find time. If you can’t “give up” with gadgets right away, get to know him again online.

You can even start with intimate correspondence. Write to him about something that interests him, send him a photo of yourself in underwear, or simply share an interesting post.

When online communication becomes regular, go offline. Discuss anything: the family budget, books, TV shows, stupid actions of friends, problems at work, and even better, your relationship.

Therefore, do not forget that you can not only eat with your mouth.

What is a family crisis?

A crisis is always a turn and a turning point. A relationship crisis is an inevitable stage in the development of life together. Family problems and contradictions lead to solving new problems that arise at different stages of life. The laws of the Universe are such that everything moves and changes, family relationships also change.

After 7 years of marriage, many couples experience crisis phenomena, 7 years is an approximate figure, some families enter and experience crisis moments earlier, some later, some families may bypass this period and not know about its existence. A relationship crisis has arrived, which means it’s time, it’s time for change.

What do Rosstat data say about divorces and the crisis of family relations?

Families that have a marriage duration of 5 to 9 years have the highest divorce rates. On average, about 26% of families break up without the ability to cope with the crisis. It is interesting that both modern families, the latest data from 2021, and in the 60s of the 20th century are susceptible to a crisis in family relations.

Data taken from the website of Rosstat of Russia: https://rosinfostat.ru/

Take the initiative

Relationships between a man and a woman are built from two poles. There is no need to sit and wait for your husband to ask you out on a date or have a romantic dinner. Do it yourself.

Men love it when women take the initiative in a gentle and feminine way. You definitely won't be disappointed.

Send the children to their mother, choose a place and time. Invite your husband on a date to your favorite restaurant or to the same city cafe where you unsuccessfully experimented with sex for seven years.

The next invitation will come from him. Speaking of sex. Here your participation is simply necessary. Often a couple’s sex life fades away precisely because of the woman’s coldness in bed.

In the same correspondence, you can talk with your husband about what he wants to try and how he wants you. If necessary, watch his favorite porn, training, whatever.

Show him how much you want too, despite having two children, a collection of hydrangeas and an unpaid mortgage.

Let him see you as a sexy woman again.

Reasons for the crisis of seven years of marriage

• Any relationship is an interaction. And achieving a common goal helps maintain this relationship. In the absence of common goals and interests, the feeling of falling in love gradually disappears, and therefore affection.

Photo by Amanda Sixsmith on Unsplash

• Childhood crises are also one of the reasons. Each family, as a rule, already has at least one child during this period. During childhood crises, spouses often encounter misunderstandings with each other. During these periods, the baby’s behavior changes, and adults can blame each other for the lack of care and attention, thereby spoiling their relationships.

• Partners, due to the lack of common interests, begin to look for activities “on the side.” Most often, spending time with friends more than with your significant other.

• Banal routine is also the cause of the crisis of seven years. When a couple goes through “Groundhog Day” every day, then each subsequent day is no different from the previous one.

The couple’s own crises also have a huge impact. There is an early crisis of maturity - 30-35 years old, a mid-life crisis - 40-45 years old and a late crisis - 50-55 years old.

It's time to go on vacation

All inclusive with your mother-in-law and children on your shoulders in Egypt is not a vacation. I'm sure both you and he need rest. You need to forget for a while that you are parents and feel like you are in love.

If this hasn't happened for many years, pack your bags immediately. Grandparents will look after the children. They can water the hydrangeas and feed the cat.

Change your surroundings and be alone for at least one weekend, or better yet, a week. If possible, turn off your phones and use Skype less often. Spend this time really just the two of you.

During your vacation, try to focus on the positive. Didn't you like the view from the window of the room he booked, or is the grass around the hotel not green enough? Don’t rush to turn on the chainsaw, as you will ruin the holiday for both yourself and your husband.

Don't pay attention to the little things. Enjoy the sound of the surf, the azure water, the opportunity to finally wear an expensive swimsuit, or just the time you spend together.

How successful your joint vacation will be depends on your condition.

This is a real and working practice for relationships between men and women. Don't get hung up on the little things.

A dirty dish in the sink or a sock under the bed is the least of the problems that can arise in life. Do not forget about it.

Relationship crisis: how to survive

When big problems arise between spouses, each of them must clearly understand for themselves: does he really want to overcome these differences and save this marriage? The psychology of relationships is built on mutual understanding and support for each other.

Without a mutual desire to preserve something and overcome problems, it will be simply impossible. Everyone should do an analysis of their life together, habits, traditions and understand whether they still need it. The characteristics carried out will help you decide on a solution. It is imperative to highlight all the pros and cons of living together.

Positive aspects may include:

• joint vacation with family;
• feeling that your family needs you;
• joy from joint holidays;
• desire to surprise your family.

Negative points include:

• disdain of partners for each other;
• reproaches, lack of support;
• manifestations of indifference and lack of initiative, lack of desire to help.

It is always worth remembering that any marriage can be saved, no matter how many years you have been together - seven or twenty. Adults should be able to talk and hear each other. Without mutual respect, you cannot build a reliable marriage; every married couple should remember this.

Ways out of the crisis

Every crisis has its end. What it will be depends on the two.

The crisis of 7 years of marriage reveals weaknesses, points out gaps and shortcomings. There is always a way out.

However, if you were unable to overcome the crisis, you need to make sure that you really fought (at least six months).

Interesting. The 7-year crisis is a catalyst that helps you see cracks in relationships and family life.

Having overcome the crisis, it is necessary to bring relations to a new stage of development. After all, a period of second love may come. And do not strive to start another relationship without marriage. You just need to take care of yourself, body, appearance, soul.

Having survived the crisis with dignity, the family will only become stronger. The spouses will be able to like each other again. We just need to remember the importance of the following factors:

• communication;
• harmonious sex;
• attention, care, embodiment of crazy ideas.

The seven-year crisis is a kind of threshold that can be overcome while maintaining beneficial relationships in marriage. However, you can stumble, receiving a harbinger of a big thunderstorm on the family horizon. Skillfully overcoming the crisis will give confidence and strength for the further flourishing of relations. The entire future life of the family often depends on this.

Are there any positive aspects to crises?

Undoubtedly! When a husband and wife notice growing differences and try to find a way out, the couple can emerge from the crisis holding hands. A crisis is always a challenge, a point of personal and family growth. Difficulties experienced together and a pound of salt eaten between two strengthen and bring the couple closer together. If a husband and wife were able to put the family locomotive on new rails, this is a good sign.

It also happens that family members do not fully understand the problem and are not ready to make communication more effective and come to an agreement. In this situation, the consequences for the family system can be sad - distance from each other and, as a result, separation.

Crisis of the first year of family life

The first year after the wedding is the so-called grinding-in period. The newlyweds arrange their daily life, distribute responsibilities, and set the boundaries of what is permitted in marriage. This is often accompanied by misunderstanding on the part of one or both spouses. Quarrels and even scandals break out in a young family.

It is in the first year of marriage that a child is born in many families. Although this is a joyful occasion, it is also a stressful situation for new parents. The level of responsibility increases several times, many concerns arise related to the baby, and the level of anxiety increases.

Photo by Daryn Stumbaugh on Unsplash

How easily the first crisis of family life will pass depends on how ready each spouse is to adapt to the changing needs of the family, reconsider their habits and support their partner.

Advice from psychologists on how to save a marriage

A psychologist can really help you avoid big problems. Experts often compare marriage to a living organism, and a crisis to a disease. You wouldn't kill yourself just because you got the flu, would you? This is exactly the analogy that can be drawn with marriage - you will always have time to get a divorce, but only strong individuals can save the relationship.

But each situation is individual, so the advice of a psychologist may not be entirely correct if given to everyone. We need to understand the situation, and this can only be done through personal communication.

The characteristics of the 7-year crisis are such that, with sufficient desire, its sharp corners can be circumvented. Here are some tips that a psychologist often gives to couples who often quarrel over a crisis:

• Don't yell at each other, but take a few sheets of paper and write all your complaints there. When you write, you analyze not only your partner’s actions, but also your attitude towards them;
• Remember more good things. You have been married to this person for many years, and naturally there was something good in this relationship;
• Travel together more often, but only if finances allow;
• Have at least a few dates a year. Romance should always be present in a relationship.

And most importantly, be sure to include a sense of humor. Laughter always helps you get through a crisis, and shared fun brings people together even more than sex. That is, the more insults you turn into a joke, the better.

The essence of the crisis

Even the happiest couple is not immune from such a problem as a marriage crisis. 7 years is the approximate period when spouses begin to feel some discomfort. On the one hand, they have a lot of experience behind them, a well-established life and established relationships, and on the other hand, there is a lack of development and vague future prospects.

It is worth understanding that a marriage crisis does not just happen. 7 years is a fairly long period during which some grievances may accumulate, misunderstandings may arise, or a basic habit may form. Thus, people go to crisis situations for quite a long time and systematically, and at some point everything breaks out.

Pay attention to your family’s life and existing relationships. Do you have any traditions or common goals? If yes, most likely you will get past this unpleasant situation. But if the family is exclusively living together, sooner or later you begin to think that the best times have already been lived. And here it is very important to understand the value of your relationships and the years you have lived.