In the old days, people honored traditions, signs and rituals, in this way they paid tribute to their ancestors, and this was also considered the threshold of happiness and good luck. The wedding took into account all the rules, the order was carefully observed from beginning to end: the matchmaking of the bride, preparation for the wedding and the celebration itself - all stages took place according to a pre-honed scenario. Currently, the performance of all ancient national traditions is often impossible or inconvenient, but at least some of them are present at any wedding, thus we emphasize our belonging to Russian culture.
Long traditions
In the memory of our older relatives, matchmaking has always followed a noisy and cheerful scenario, now this ritual is more calm in nature, usually with its help the bride and groom introduce their parents to each other.
Previously, the appointed date was not specified; matchmakers always tried to arrive suddenly, so that the bride and her parents could not prepare to receive guests. Therefore, knowing that her beloved would soon ask for her hand in marriage, she always looked forward to the coveted knock on the door.
In those days, there were countless matchmaking traditions, but now most of them have already been forgotten. However, if there are elderly people in the family who strongly recommend sticking to the old script, the bride and groom often have to obey them. Here are a few elements of matchmaking that have survived to this day and are most often used in the ritual:
- The loaf is a very important symbol of a Russian wedding. This tradition goes back to the times when the Slavs worshiped pagan gods. Then the most revered was Yarilo, the sun god. The loaf, both in shape and color, resembles the sun, which symbolizes the happiness of the young in family life. According to the scenario, the loaf is brought by the matchmakers, and the bride must cut it. They eat every last bite so that the marriage is strong. Nowadays, if the groom’s family does not have the opportunity to bake a loaf of bread themselves, it can be ordered at any bread store or replaced with a cake.
- The second symbolic thing was the towel on which the loaf was presented. There were many different variations of its use, but most often, if the bride gave her consent to marriage, she tied the matchmaker’s hands with a towel.
- According to tradition, only the bride's family met the matchmakers; the girl herself did not show her face until her parents called her. Now this can also be used, in this case there will be a touch of intrigue.
- Even if the prospective groom completely satisfied the bride’s parents, and they were only thinking about how to quickly arrange their wedding, consent to the union was never given right away. The bride's matchmaking presupposed that the guests needed to be fed, listened to and, preferably, “updated the value” of their daughter, showing that she was smart, beautiful, a housewife, and much more.
After the families agreed that the wedding would take place, the parents invited their daughter to the guests, then the real viewing began: the bride was asked to walk around, prepare tea for everyone and perform other simple actions. Previously, a girl had one important role in the family - motherhood; the more children she could give birth to, the higher she looked in the eyes of other people. By performing such simple actions, the bride showed her physical condition, and the matchmakers assessed her and guessed how many children she could give to her husband, because until that day they often had not been able to see her up close. In addition, the girl showed her thriftiness, which was also highly valued in family life. Nowadays, in most cases, matchmakers have already seen a potential daughter-in-law more than once, so the importance of this moment has disappeared. However, it would not be a bad idea for the bride to look after the guests and show what she is capable of, thereby earning respect from future relatives.
The last stage of the scenario was the joining of hands of the young bride's father. He made a touching speech, asked the groom to take care of the girl, and admonished the young couple to respect each other and have a strong family. Now this custom also takes place; it will become a touching and memorable end to the matchmaking. In addition, this will allow the groom to feel all the responsibility that will be entrusted to him after the wedding, as the head of the family.
Nowadays, many people do without following these rules; matchmakers rarely learn special poems or come up with interesting scenarios. Now, when young people usually adopt the traditions of other nations, observing the rituals of their homeland will allow them to stand out from the crowd.
If you decide to conduct a matchmaking ceremony, following the rules, you can ask one of your friends or relatives to film it with a photo or video camera in order to replenish the future family archive of memories with the first important event.
Rules for the bride and her family
Matchmaking on the part of the bride should also take place according to a special scenario, although her role is the smallest of all. Previously, the girls sat patiently in solitude, trying to hear at least a little of what was happening in the other room. Now the role of the bride is not much different, the only significant difference is that she can be present during the negotiations.
However, this does not mean that she does not have to prepare before this ritual. Firstly, the house is thoroughly cleaned and a sumptuous dinner is prepared; everything must be impeccable so that the groom’s relatives can appreciate the girl. The use of various alcoholic beverages is allowed, because the conversation should take place in a friendly informal atmosphere.
A girl should take care not only of the decoration of the apartment, but also of her appearance. It is necessary to carefully consider the image in which she will first appear before her future relatives as a daughter-in-law. Previously, if a girl was a skilled needlewoman, she would wear outfits she made with her own hands to show the level of her skill. Now, of course, no one expects this anymore; attention is paid to other nuances:
- A girl should be dressed elegantly and tastefully, but not provocatively. You need to competently emphasize your advantages, without using too revealing clothes; with the help of it, it is better to please your lover later.
- It will be a big plus if the bride prepares the gala dinner herself, or at least the main dish or dessert. This will show the matchmakers that the groom, having become a husband, will not go hungry.
- An important factor in the old days was the girl’s dowry, which included things made by her own hands. Now this fact is often ignored, but it will not be superfluous, especially since creating any household item is not so difficult.
- It is important to pay attention to your style of behavior; you should not come to the fore in conversations; on this day you should amaze everyone not with your ability to conduct conversations, but with your ability to manage a household.
- You shouldn’t remain silent the whole evening either; you can insert interesting phrases into the topic and delicately express your own opinion. It is especially not worth arguing with future relatives, in particular with your mother-in-law; it is better to tactfully express your arguments in order to come to a compromise and show yourself as a strong personality with your own strong opinion.
- You should also show respect to your relatives, because older people highly value such attitude towards their parents. Therefore, even if the atmosphere in your family is not as good as you would like, on this day you will need to forget about all the grievances.
- It is also necessary to provide due attention to your future spouse: look after him, make sure he doesn’t get bored, etc. In addition, you can ask your future father-in-law and mother-in-law about their son’s tastes, habits and views. Even if you have already thoroughly studied your lover, this will show his parents that their opinion is important to you and will assure them that you will be a loving, caring wife.
- You can display your purchased or home-grown pumpkin. According to an old scenario, if a pumpkin was displayed in front of the threshold of the bride's house, this meant that the groom was denied the wedding. Now, of course, refusals happen extremely rarely, but still, matchmakers should not think that the ceremony will be as easy as shelling pears for them.
How a feast should take place - tips
Matchmaking is a very exciting, but at the same time a pleasant event in the life of every girl who dreams of marriage.
In order for everything to go smoothly and without any annoying hiccups, it is imperative to agree on the date of the event. If the matchmakers show up without warning out of the blue, the bride’s parents are unlikely to like it. Still, it is better to conduct negotiations at a festively laid table with abundant treats than to embarrass future relatives with an unexpected visit, taking them by surprise.
The first rule of successful matchmaking is to agree in advance on the date and time of the conspiracy. This decision will help the girl’s family prepare in advance and meet the matchmakers without losing face. The bride should be directly involved in preparing dishes for the festive feast.
It will be very useful to find out what favorite dishes the groom’s parents have and pamper them with these dishes, earning respect and gratitude from future in-laws by showing how she knows how to cook. As a rule, the groom's mother is always very jealous about what hands her adored son will fall into.
Therefore, a plentiful treat and respectful attitude on the part of the daughter-in-law will be a huge plus and will show her thriftiness and decent upbringing.
What are the responsibilities of the bride during matchmaking:
- preparing and beautifully serving festive dishes (to do this, just look at the corresponding pictures on the Internet);
- a virtuous attitude towards both the groom’s relatives and members of one’s own family;
- do not express dissatisfaction with the organization of the wedding; if you don’t like something in the decision of the older generation, it is better to wait for permission and correctly enter your wishes regarding the celebration;
- keep the table in order, promptly changing dirty, empty dishes, replenishing carafes of drinks and plates of snacks;
- do not show excessive tenderness towards the groom - kisses and hugs are not appropriate in this case.
It is not customary to invite many guests to matchmaking; the tradition of celebrating this event as magnificently as a wedding has long been a thing of the past.
Today, the presence of parents on both sides, the heroes of the occasion, as well as their godparents is sufficient. Treating matchmakers simply must be generous with both snacks and alcohol.
This has been the custom since ancient times; it speaks of respect for future relatives. When guests arrive, the table already has plates with cut meats and vegetables, vases with fruit, saucers with a variety of canapés, and an assortment of pickles. For drinks, fruit drinks and juices are welcome; for strong drinks, champagne is a must, wine, vodka, etc.
After the main words have been spoken by the matchmakers and consent has been received from the bride’s parents, they begin the meal. The bride, with the help of her mother, serves hot meat dishes. Guests should note her efforts by praising the hostess.
A girl should modestly accept the praise of her future relatives.
General rules for the ceremony
The ceremony of matchmaking a bride in our time can take place according to one of numerous scenarios. But they all have several of the same features.
Matchmakers on the bride's side greet guests without first inviting them into the house; they must find out the purpose of their visit, as if they had no idea about it. Usually everything is not called by its proper name, the bride is called a commodity, and the groom is a merchant; at this stage, with the help of such careful negotiations, the matchmakers of the two parties take a closer look at each other.
Then, if the bride's parents do not object to further negotiations, guests are invited to the house. At the festive table, the groom's parents praise their son, pointing out all his virtues that will be useful in family life. The bride's parents should hesitate a little, but then give in to their “opponents.” This is followed by praise from the bride, the groom’s matchmakers try in every possible way to “bring down the price”, ask tricky questions, and the bride and her family must turn everything to their advantage. This stage is best done with humor to dilute the seriousness of the evening.
After this, a discussion usually begins of more pragmatic problems associated with holding a wedding. After some time, the bride's family can pay a return visit to future relatives.
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What does the bride need to know?
Not only the future spouse with the matchmakers, but also the bride’s family must responsibly prepare for the ceremony. After all, both parties must try, and therefore it will not be superfluous to learn the traditions of modern matchmaking.
The bride should think about the image. Prepare your outfit in advance. It should be moderately restrained and modest, without various prints and flashy decorations. You should also avoid wearing bright makeup. At matchmaking, you need to make a good impression on your parents, especially if this is your first meeting.
And now the long-standing tradition of preparing the bride’s dowry has been preserved, regardless of whether the newlyweds plan to live in the groom’s house or separately. The dowry of a modern bride is very different from the one prepared by our ancestors. There are no woven clothes or towels in it. A modern dowry may consist of:
blankets, pillows, beds, rugs;
towels, napkins and other textiles;
various household appliances - from a blender to a stove;
The selection depends on the capabilities of the parents and their wishes. In any case, the dowry is laid out in a visible place so that the matchmakers can see the bride’s wealth and be able to assess its size.
What to give to the groom's parents?
The bride should take care to please her future father-in-law and mother-in-law. Gifts are good for these purposes. Previously, symbolic gifts were given, for example, a red scarf was presented to the mother-in-law.
Now there is no need to observe these traditions; you can choose modern gifts, but first it is better to find out about the tastes of the parents of your future spouse.
Holiday menu
For the matchmakers and the groom's parents, you need to prepare treats in advance. The future wife must prepare delicacies for the matchmakers. Her participation in the process is mandatory, as this shows her thriftiness.
