Why are women increasingly keeping their last name when getting married? Media.Az survey and psychologist’s opinion

Since time immemorial, a woman after marriage took her husband's surname. And, in principle, she was already becoming part of his family. Over time, the rules began to change a little and it became optional to change your maiden name. In some, for example, Western countries, there is such an option as a double surname. Let's figure out what is allowed and accepted in our country, and let's not forget about the opinion of our husband on such a slightly delicate issue.

Is it necessary to change your last name when getting married? Is it possible to keep your own?

Over the past decade, women have often left their last name after marriage. Of course, once upon a time in Rus' such a thing was out of the question. Therefore, most likely, this is the influence of European (or other) countries. For example, in Iceland there is no such thing as a woman changing her last name after marriage. In Denmark, on the contrary, a man takes his wife’s surname. Yes, of course, this also reflects the current financial and general independence of women.

Although, perhaps the reason is the reluctance to bother with documents. Let us remind you that you need to change the following documents:

• naturally, the Russian passport itself
• don't forget about your foreign passport
• of course, the indication code
• pension certificate, if any
• employment history
• and medical insurance

Changing your surname upon marriage
Diplomas, certificates and other certificates remain in your maiden name, but each time you will need to present a marriage certificate (at least a copy of it). If we talk about whether it is necessary to take the husband’s surname, then there is no such strict requirement! Therefore, if you wish, you can safely leave yours – the girl’s one.

IMPORTANT: Minors who have reached 16 years of age can undergo this procedure without written parental consent. That is, on your own.

Should you change your last name when getting married: pros and cons

We have already figured out that today changing your last name after marriage is not a prerequisite. But there are both positive aspects to this and negative qualities. Therefore, before taking such a responsible and important step (after all, changing your last name will affect your future fate), you need to carefully weigh everything.

What are the advantages of the same surname:

1. Well, for starters, it’s worth highlighting the psychological aspect. A family with the same last name becomes like a single whole. This gesture speaks of the serious intentions of the wife and her great love (at least according to men).
2. There is also a secret meaning hidden in this - a woman becomes a part of her husband. That is, she belongs entirely to him and is “behind her husband.”
3. Although you have to tinker with papers after the wedding, it will be much easier in the future. Yes, we don’t run that far when we’re young. But when it comes, for example, to register inheritance, it will be much more difficult to do this with a different surname. Then you will have to tinker even more with papers and other documents.
4. When children appear, it will be easier for both you and the children. With different surnames, you will need to carry a marriage certificate with you, which will confirm the relationship with your child and husband (or your husband with you).
5. For society it sounds even more beautiful and simpler when the surnames are the same. We have not advanced that much, and yet many questions will be asked about why you decided to do this.
6. This point can be both a plus and a minus. Sometimes a maiden name doesn't sound very nice or has a funny meaning. But the husband’s surname will help correct this situation.

Pros and cons of changing your last name
What disadvantages await you then:

• Changing your passport and other documents is one thing. But there is one more “but”. If you study at a university (or other educational institution), then you should run there too. Because you will have to change all your documents in order to receive a diploma with the right name after graduation.
• Also, it is worth changing your last name in other organizations, such as electrical networks, the tax office and others.
• At work, don’t forget, you should also change your last name in all documents.
• If a woman has her own business, then there will also be paperwork.
• Creative people shouldn’t relax either, because now the signature for each work will have to be changed. And then also explain to others who this new author is, for example, and where the old employee went.

As you can see, there are disadvantages in any case. Therefore, always be guided by personal priorities and convenience. And most importantly, in this matter, be sure to consult with your future spouse.

How to talk about changing your last name

No one is required to change their last name. But if people in a couple are determined to take such a step, then this can be an excellent solution. As well as doing without changing your passport. To avoid unnecessary hassle, it is worth clarifying this point.

In advance

By default, future spouses may have different thoughts on this matter. If this becomes clear when filling out the marriage registration application, the reaction on both sides may be excessive. Therefore, it is better to discuss this issue even before you decide to get married. Firstly, it’s more honest than later manipulating your partner by threatening to cancel the ceremony. Secondly, if the issue of last name is really that important to you, you can end the relationship at an early stage and find someone with a similar worldview.

With a cool head

The very movement towards marriage is stressful, even if you are very happy. Emotions are overwhelming, and it’s not always easy to understand and structure them, even for yourself. And this must be done in order to conduct a constructive dialogue.

Often, irrational fears can be transformed into something simple and understandable. You may be surprised at what truly motivates you. For example, you are a guy and your fiancee does not want to change her last name. You give out the usual (and toxic) arguments: “I want you to belong to me entirely,” “I take responsibility for you,” “If the last names are different, this is not a family.” But in reality, you’re worried: what if she doesn’t take her last name because she doesn’t love you enough? But love is not proven by how much a person is ready to bend for you.

Or are you worried about what people will say. If a wife keeps her last name in marriage, this poses new challenges for her husband. Research What's in a name? How Taking a Spouse's Surname can define power in marriage shows that people with high levels of hostile sexism react negatively to gender role violations. And it goes to both spouses. Husbands who “allow” their wives to keep their last names are perceived as less powerful and dominant. And to resist society, you need stronger balls than to force the bride to make changes to her passport details.

But there is also good news Russian family. Traditional ideas about the husband as the head of the family and the need to change the surname are characteristic mainly of rural residents, people with a low level of education and the elderly. So there is a chance that your environment will not judge you.

The situation is similar with girls. If you formalize your fears and talk them out, perhaps the situation will cease to frighten you and the bride will happily accept her new surname.

Willing to compromise

Both parties should at least be willing to listen and understand each other. If you can't do this, the problem is not the last name. Both sides deserve respect and careful attention to their position. Try not to become irreconcilable enemies who are looking for a way to force your opponent to lay down his banners. Sum up all the arguments and decide together who is easier and more painless to renounce their claims.

What if you don’t change your last name when you get married: men’s opinion

So we come to this slightly tremulous topic. The fact is that in such a matter a man can hide his desire a little, hiding behind public opinion. If we talk about the general opinion of men, it will be of the opposite nature.

• In general, men also adhere to old-fashioned traditions that have no direct meaning. But, as they say, that’s how it’s supposed to be.
• Some men (and by the way, the majority of them) come to the opinion that this is extremely frivolous on the part of the girl. Some even compare this to the fact that it is like remaining a girl in marriage.
• The most significant reason is procreation. This is how we, the Slavs, have developed such a tradition. A woman changes her last name and gives birth to a child to continue her husband’s family line. By the way, this tradition is not only in our country, but also, for example, in eastern countries. Especially if we consider ancient times. By the way! If a man has nothing against a woman leaving her maiden name, then when a child is born the situation changes dramatically. How is it possible that the child will not have my last name? In this situation, they are ready to tear the shirts off their chests in order to convince you of the opposite.

Men's opinions on changing their surname

• Yes, there are also those who simply respect a woman’s wishes and are ready to sacrifice personal views.
• But there are also men who do not care about this aspect at all. That is, for a man it doesn’t matter what his beloved’s last name is. The main thing is that she is nearby. But the child’s surname must be his, because the continuation of the family line is lost! By the way, as some say, my wife will take my last name at any time.

Losing face

However, some complain about the loss of personality in marriage in general, regardless of the change of surname. After all, the new situation requires compromises, sacrifices, and the abandonment of some familiar life scenarios. But if a person has to break himself so much, it’s easier not to get married, explains the psychotherapist.

But even here it is necessary to separate the flies from the cutlets. For example, short-term relationships based on sexual attraction do not oblige anyone to anything. For a long-term relationship, a number of more serious coincidences and parameters are required, and if one of the partners does not correspond to them, but at the same time tries to penetrate into the inner, social world of the other (and he is against it), such a couple quickly breaks up, the doctor explains. For a stable connection you need something more.

“I don’t think that personality is lost in marriage. People are united by love, and it also contributes to their marriage. They say that it takes some time to break in. If they suit each other, it's one story. But if there is a violation of interpersonal (interpersonal) relationships, a completely different scenario unfolds. Short-term relationships based only on sex, as a rule, do not carry any social charge: such people do not create a family, do not give birth to children, and are not, in the old language, a “unit of society.” But those who are trying to build long-term relationships focus not only on the sexual aspect, but also on deeper feelings: interest in the inner world of another, coincidence of tastes, values, views, and so on. A couple arises that complement each other. They feel good and interesting with each other, they are different halves of one whole. In this case, no one needs to break under anyone. Some basic adjustment will be required, but not catastrophic. But if you have to break down, this is not an option, and, in the end, this leads to the breakup of the family,” says the expert.

It is generally accepted that there are several “critical” periods in a relationship: the first year, the third and the seventh. “We are also talking about the fourth period - when a man reaches fifty years old, “gray in the beard, devil in the rib,” explains the doctor.

If these milestones are passed, we can say that the prognosis for such a couple is positive.

Is it possible to take a double surname when getting married?

Double surnames came to us from the West, where they became popular back in the 10th century. In Russia, this became in demand first among creative personalities or famous people who need to leave their last name. But there are some difficulties that must be faced if such a desire is made.

• Interesting! Today in Russia, approximately 80% of women take, as expected, their husband’s surname. 15% of girls keep their maiden name. And only a small percentage of 5 representatives choose a double surname.

• They have no right to refuse you, since such an action is not prohibited by law. The procedure is the same as usual - you submit an application and within a month you will receive a new passport. The only limitation can be an existing double surname.
• This point is a bit controversial because it has no sound legal basis. Those who decided to take such a step faced a problem - the registry office requires that both spouses have a double surname. And men don’t really want to take their wife’s surname.

IMPORTANT: The spouse's last name must appear at the beginning, followed by a hyphen with the spouse's maiden name.

Double surname after marriage

• And then everything depends on your assertiveness. If you really insist on your own, then you should stock up on patience and some information. According to Article 32 of the Family Code (point 2), a change in the surname of one of the spouses does not entail a change in the surname of the other representative.

IMPORTANT: Let’s touch on one more point that confuses or doubts many. A foreign passport has a slightly different replacement period, so you can go abroad on vacation after the wedding using old documents. But this information should be clarified directly with the travel agency from which the trip is planned.

Are the changes related only to the wedding?

You can change or return your previous personal data not only when a marriage is registered or dissolved. Even without a divorce, each spouse has the right to return their previous surname - or, if the change was not made on the basis of marriage, still take a common or double one. This can be done at any time in accordance with the general procedure established by law.

USEFUL INFORMATION: How to register the birth of a child in the registry office

The decision to take a new or return an old surname is made on the basis of a personal application from a citizen. To do this, you must submit an application to the nearest registry office. After the application has been recorded and changes have been made to the Civil Registry Book accordingly, you can change your passport.

Is it possible to change your last name a year after marriage?

Another popular question that worries many newlyweds. We will not delve into the possible reasons for this decision. And we won’t go around in circles either.

• A spouse can change their surname after a year, two or five years of marriage! Yes, even in ten years – that’s your right.
• If we talk about the procedure, it is not much different from the one that is carried out immediately after marriage. An application is also written, which is considered for about a month (perhaps a slightly longer period). More precisely, in a month or two you will receive a new passport.
• In all other organizations that were indicated above, they should also then be replaced with a new surname.
• The spouses are issued a new marriage certificate, which they should contact their (at their place of registration) migration service.

What else needs to be changed after changing your last name?

TIN

In order to change the TIN, you need to contact the branch of the Federal Tax Service at the place of registration.

On site you must fill out an application and present the following documents:

• new passport;
• TIN certificate (with old surname);
• certificate of change of name (or divorce).

There is no state fee for this service.

SNILS

In most cases, the pension certificate is changed at work. To do this, you must provide the HR department with a new passport and a document confirming the change of surname.

You can also independently contact the Pension Fund office at your place of registration.

Compulsory medical insurance policy

There is no urgent need to change this document, but it is important to remember that at any time you may need to consult a doctor.

To change your policy, you need to contact the branch of the insurance company where the old document was issued and provide:

• new passport;
• certificate of change of name (or divorce);
• old policy.

Replacement of bank cards and account data

It is a mandatory procedure. You must contact the bank branch that issued the card.

Driver's license

If you rarely drive and your old license is about to expire, you can wait until it expires and get a new license with your last name already changed. While you are using your old license, you must take with you a new passport and a document confirming the change of surname.

If you drive every day, it is advisable not to delay replacing your license in order to avoid frequent explanations with traffic police officers.

To replace your license, you must contact the interdistrict examination department of the traffic police and provide the following documents:

• new passport;
• a document confirming the change of surname;
• old driver's license;
• medical certificate with a valid period;
• driver card;
• receipt of payment of state duty.

The state duty is 2,000 rubles. (for non-cash payment on the State Services website - 1,400 rubles)

international passport

Replacing a passport is usually not urgent. It can be put off until needed.

To replace your international passport, you must contact the local Migration Department of the Russian Ministry of Internal Affairs with the following documents:

• new passport of a citizen of the Russian Federation;
• old passport;
• a document confirming the change of surname;
• photographs according to the established pattern;
• receipt of payment of state duty.

State duty: 5,000 rubles. for a biometric passport (3,500 rubles when paying on the State Services website) and 2,000 rubles. for an old-style passport (RUB 1,400 when paying at a discount).

Education documents

If you graduated from an educational institution a long time ago, you do not need to change your diploma.

But, if the divorce occurred while studying, you must contact the dean’s office of the educational institution to change the last name in your personal file. Upon completion of studies, the diploma will be issued under the new name.