Meeting the parents of the bride and groom: behavior and gifts

Features of dating traditions and types

The Slavic people are rich in customs. In Rus', girls were married off early, starting at the age of 12. Nobody asked their opinion; the parents agreed with each other in absentia.

And in some places, young people chose their own wives. Received paternal approval. Afterwards they sent matchmakers with bread and salt. The girl, after listening to them, could hand over a watermelon or pumpkin as a refusal.

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If she gave her consent, matchmaking took place. It could last for several days. The matchmakers tried to find out more about the girl: her economic skills, character, gait. They could ask to remove the scarf and so on. Of particular importance was who the parents were and what the size of the dowry was. If we managed to get information quickly, we could limit ourselves to one day.

Interesting features of matchmaking in Rus':

The guy's side could only send a woman - a matchmaker. She alone replaced all the matchmakers.
Matchmakers could present gifts: sweets, pastries, beer or wine, various medicines for illnesses.
The matchmakers started the conversation from afar, ending it with traditional words: you have goods, and we have a merchant. This is how they asked for approval from the bride's parents.
It was not customary to rush into an answer. It was necessary to think carefully, because the product is valuable, and its price is appropriate. Matchmakers could visit 2-3 times before receiving an answer.
Having given their consent, the relatives accepted and cut the bread and salt.
The matchmakers were invited into the house and began discussing the upcoming celebration and dowry. Agreements were certainly written down. Before this, it was customary to sit for a while in silence.
Dowry: money, peasants, real estate. But most often these were things that would be useful for the young couple’s life together: bed linen, embroidered towels (rushnyks), household utensils.
If the girl's family was poor, the future husband would pay the agreed amount to compensate for the loss.

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Many ancient wedding customs of the Slavic people have been preserved to this day: acquaintance, bride viewing, matchmaking. Of course, now they are more of a symbolic nature. The canons remain the same: everyone wants to please each other, to show themselves in a favorable light.

Dating is an exciting event. Every couple dreams of it being perfect. And their families lived in harmony with each other.

Meeting the groom with the bride's parents

The future husband should not shift all worries and concerns to his beloved. It’s better to make every effort to please her family: show interest, find out what they like and what they don’t. How best to behave, should you joke or be serious and so on.

Tips for men:

Positive attitude. Down with unnecessary prejudices, determination and the right approach will help win the hearts of the newly made father-in-law and mother-in-law.
Impeccable view. You need to take care of your appearance. This will create a favorable impression from the first minute.
Present a bouquet to the girl and her mother. A cake or a box of expensive chocolates will not be superfluous.
You should think about what to say in advance. Many people get lost in stressful situations. To avoid appearing awkward, make a list of conversation topics.
Show modesty and respect. This will conquer the strictest parents.
The introduction should be concise, the parents will not have time to ask too many questions, and a pleasant impression will be left of the groom.
Invite relatives to come for a return visit for a general acquaintance.

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Everything will go well, because parents usually trust their daughter’s choice. Nevertheless, it will be better if the girl helps relieve tension:

will talk separately with the boyfriend and parents so that they are friendly;
instill confidence in your lover and advise how best to dress;
tell him about mom and dad: their names and hobbies;
help choose topics for conversation. For the older generation, this is also an exciting event. They should try to show hospitality and show the guest that he is welcome here.

The bride meets the groom's parents

The girl is probably the most worried at this moment. The marriage proposal itself is very exciting. All thoughts about the upcoming wedding. The fear of not being liked by your loved one's family overshadows joy. The main thing at such a moment is to remain calm.

Go straight to decisive action.

Discard stereotypes. Every girl has heard the phrase more than once that all mothers-in-law are monsters who can’t stand their daughters-in-law. You need to speak modestly and politely. The guy’s mother will understand that the bride is well-mannered and will begin to treat her more favorably.
Don't ignore your father. With sincere curiosity, ask where he works and what his hobbies are. People love to talk about things they understand.
Laconic image. Clothing should be neat, neutral colors, without revealing cutouts or flashy decorations. The shoes are clean, without huge heels. You can add a light perfume. When meeting a bride, she should pleasantly amaze the groom's parents, and not shock them.
Relevance of clothing. You can wear a cocktail dress to dinner. If the meeting takes place outdoors, wear a neat tracksuit.
Create the perfect image. When meeting, you should not interrupt the groom's parents or show your grievances or bad mood. It is also not recommended to behave in a condescending manner.
Show interest in the topic of conversation.
Show concern for your future spouse.

Mom will probably pay attention not only to clothes and manners. Showing care and affection for her beloved child will also say a lot.

When talking with your parents about your chosen one, you need to focus on her positive qualities: beauty, kindness, ability to run a home and take care of her future husband.

When both meetings are left behind, you can proceed to the most important moment.

General introduction to all parents

According to psychologists, a random, unplanned meeting is best.
Let its center be some other event. This way people will be calmer, they will not have time to get scared and agitated, they will be natural. READ What you can talk about with a guy on VK: interesting topics

If you do have an official event coming up, you need to make sure it is relaxed and positive.

To do this you need to follow simple rules:

Prepare topics for conversation. It’s a great idea to talk about how the couple met and remember the funny moments of the meeting. You can talk about childhood: relatives will enjoy reminiscing. A lively discussion is what is needed for such a meeting.
Find common ground. Young people can find topics close to both couples in advance. Ideally, this could become a shared leisure activity in the future.
Discussion of the wedding. Having calmed the situation, you can carefully move on to discussing the formal banquet and other details of the wedding.

Greeted by clothes...

Even in time immemorial they said: “You meet by your clothes, but you see off by your mind.” And indeed it is. The first thing his family will do when they meet is to evaluate you visually.

Anya, manager:
I remember how my mother-in-law, after the wedding, told her relatives about our first meeting with her. And no, she didn’t say how good I was, she said: “I remember the first time I saw her, so cute, in that red sports jacket. It suited her so well.” My husband’s family is sports and our first meeting was before going to a hockey club match where my husband’s younger brother plays.

What to wear to lay a good foundation for dating from the first seconds?

Conciseness . What does it mean? Clothing should not be vulgar, without aggressive colors (acid, gold, leopard print, etc.).
Neatness . No stains or greasy sleeves! Everything should be ironed and sparkling clean. You can create an aura of purity for yourself by using an unobtrusive light perfume.
Speaking of perfume - no intoxicating smells ! Only light and delicate notes. Leave aggressively sweet and other aromas for another occasion.
Shoes without huge heels, broken toes and scratched texture . No one will look at shoes under a microscope. And even if there is a small defect, you can correct it. For example, a scratched heel can be touched up with regular nail polish.
Clothes without deep necklines and mini. Your task is not to demonstrate all your charms, but to please your parents, so choose less revealing outfits. Hide tattoos and piercings, no need to bother your parents right away.
Appropriateness of clothing . If his parents invited you to nature, then it is appropriate to wear an appropriate outfit (for example, sportswear), and not a cocktail dress, so that you can then tug at him and hurry the guy to leave as quickly as possible.

There is no need to go to extremes. You don't have to look like a gray mouse! Look how royalty Kate Middleton dresses. This is the epitome of elegance. But even here you need to maintain balance! Dressing primly can put his parents in an awkward position. What if they expected to sit at home and have a heart-to-heart talk? And a girl dressed like a queen before going out will create a tense atmosphere.

What points need to be taken into account

No matter what happens, it is better to treat little things with humor and understanding. It won't be long before they won't matter much.

You should not use information that could compromise your lover or parents. Previous marriages, children, illnesses and financial problems are topics that are best kept silent. The first meeting before the wedding should evoke only positive emotions in parents.

Who invites guests

According to traditions, the initiative to introduce parents before the wedding should be taken by the groom's relatives, not the bride. They come to the matchmakers. After dinner they offer a return visit.

However, customs are changing. The main thing is that the meeting is organized with comfort for everyone.

Meeting place for parents

It is better to get acquainted on neutral territory, where each of those present will feel comfortable. A posh restaurant is a bad idea. But the dining room is unlikely to be a suitable option. A mid-level establishment with good cuisine, clean and cozy, would be ideal. No one will have to stand at the stove all day and do general cleaning.

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You should also take into account the social status and financial situation of both parties. If it varies greatly, find a middle ground. A place where no one will feel awkward. True, there are hidden disadvantages in this option: the official setting may cause constraint, or there may be a noisy company at the next table.

Dating in nature

If the meeting takes place in the warm season, you can get out into nature. Outdoor recreation and a picnic will create a light atmosphere. The women will set the table, the men will bring firewood and cook the barbecue. This will bring future relatives together. In addition, in nature the difference in the social status of couples will not be noticeable.

Dinner at home

If young people live together, they should invite their families over for dinner. The girl will be able to demonstrate what kind of housewife she is. Such an informal atmosphere also has its advantages. You can time the meeting to coincide with some family holiday. Then there is a greater chance that everything will take place in a relaxed and relaxed atmosphere.

The bride should think about the menu in advance. Try to please your mother-in-law and father-in-law, prepare their favorite dishes. It is better if the food is not too fatty. Eating a lot of food can make you less willing to have an active conversation.

You can also make the first acquaintance with the bride's parents or the groom's parents. This option has its own charm: you can show your hospitality and good attitude towards relatives. The owners will feel freer on their territory and will be able to defuse the situation.

But there are also disadvantages:

another couple may be offended that the dinner is not at their place;
Spring cleaning and cooking can be draining and discourage small talk.

What can you cook

The menu is an important nuance of this evening. It needs to be planned in advance.

In a restaurant, it is better not to order exotic food - Asian, Mexican cuisine. These dishes are spicy and oversaturated with spices - not the best choice for a first meeting.

Russian or European cuisine - their dishes are more traditional, and for many will be preferable.

You need to make sure that those present have no dietary restrictions. It could be:

Allergies to specific foods (nuts, eggs, milk, etc.).
Vegetarianism. In its full manifestation, a person does not eat any animal products. But there are consumers who allow themselves fish, eggs or other products. When creating a menu, you need to know accurate information.
Alcohol. If there is an ardent opponent of alcohol at the table, it is better to smooth the corners and not serve it at all.

You should not invite other relatives to get acquainted. It is better to put things aside and fully concentrate on improving the relationships of loved ones.

When meeting, you need to smile more and show goodwill. This will help the company relax and behave naturally.

Present

Gifts are a guarantee that the parents’ acquaintance with the guy’s parents will take place on a good-natured and pleasant note. But there are rules that must be followed when presenting a gift:

flowers are a universal gift for both men and women, just keep in mind that bouquets are different; do not give expensive gifts so that parents do not feel awkward; be sure to give gifts to both parties (both yours and his mom and dad), this principle works flawlessly, since all relatives will be glad that they were not forgotten, that they paid attention to everyone.

After all, the most important thing is care, which manifests itself even in trinkets and little things. Please your parents; pleasant emotions when meeting will create a welcoming atmosphere

Bring a bottle of good wine with you, provided that everyone in your family drinks alcoholic beverages. If the acquaintance takes place in an informal setting, at a picnic, then have a barbecue, buy quality beer, or maybe something stronger, then communication will improve faster.

Gifts - who gives what to whom?

At the first meeting, the newlyweds give gifts to each other's families. You should not buy expensive, pompous gifts. This could be seen as bragging or bribery. But if lovers present symbolic gifts, this will be in good form.

For example:

Expensive candy or cookies.
Trifle related to your favorite hobby: fishing (set of baits); gardening (seeds); knitting (knitting needles or yarn).
A memorable gift - a joint photo or a postcard with warm words.

Gifts to the bride's parents from the groom

According to tradition, the future husband presents his beloved and her mother with a bouquet of flowers. You should not choose a bouquet that is too pretentious, but let it be collected elegantly and tastefully. To this you can add a basket of fruits or sweets.

You should think about what to give dad to his beloved. You can present your future father-in-law with strong alcohol or a box of Cuban cigars if he likes them. Such a gift will be far from symbolic, but dad will be pleased. You should definitely find out about the guest’s tastes in advance.

Gifts to the groom's parents from the bride

A box with lovely multi-colored jars delights most women, so a gift of decorative cosmetics is almost a win-win option. The impression that a daughter-in-law gives to her mother-in-law can also leave an imprint on future relationships.

It’s easy to find out about your future father-in-law’s hobby and buy something from this area. Most often it happens fishing, hunting, sports, technology.

Gifts from parents to parents

Going on a visit empty-handed is unsightly, and even more so for matchmaking. Taking a bottle of wine or dessert with you will be quite appropriate. Let's consider options for what to give to the groom's parents at their first meeting.

A paired set is suitable as a gift:

bed sheets;
set of towels;
tea-set;
sauna set;
basket with tea or coffee.

Menu preparation

If the meeting of the bride and groom's parents takes place on neutral territory, that is, in a restaurant or cafe, then you need to choose an establishment with neutral cuisine. You shouldn’t choose a Japanese restaurant, because not everyone is comfortable eating with chopsticks, and sushi is a specific food, and not everyone likes it. It may be that one of your relatives has a negative attitude towards raw fish. Therefore, you should give preference to a restaurant serving European cuisine with a large selection of dishes to suit every taste.

If the meeting is planned at home, you need to find out in advance about the gastronomic preferences of the invited guests. It is advisable to clarify about your least favorite dishes and the presence of food allergies. This will allow you to adjust the menu. And such questions will make it clear to the invited party that the young people and their parents care about them and are trying to please.

Etiquette rules when meeting parents

When meeting, you need to bring future relatives to each other and introduce them. According to decency, guests are not required to do this themselves.

Women are represented first. If the conversation is ongoing at this moment, wait for it to end.

When a man is introduced, he must stand. The fair sex does not have to do this. If relatives are represented, the relationship is indicated first. Therefore, young people must say “my mother, my father” before the name and patronymic of their parents.

Don't be late

Accuracy - the politeness of kings. There are people who are calm about being late. But this meeting is not that case. Tension and awkwardness will increase every minute. It will become more difficult to defuse the situation during the evening.

Address parents by first and last name

According to etiquette, when talking to someone you don’t know well, you should address them as you. In this case, the older generation should be called “Vy”, using their first and patronymic names. Over time, perhaps relatives will switch to a closer form. But to say “mom and dad” to strangers at the first meeting will be, to say the least, inappropriate. It is unlikely that this will be viewed with approval.

During the conversation, you need to communicate with all its participants. It is rude to give preference to one person.

Have proper table manners

To create a pleasant impression, you need to follow the rules:

Don't put your elbows on the table. Many people know this, but still don’t do it. You can place your hand on the edge of the table.
Do not prop up your cheeks.
Elbows pressed to the body.
While eating, they sit upright, eat slowly, calmly bringing food to their mouth.
Don't talk with your mouth full.
There is no need to tilt your head, twist or wave your arms too much - especially with cutlery. During a conversation they are placed on a plate.
Bread is not cut, but broken. The napkin rests on your lap. The fork is held in the left hand and the knife in the right.
The meat is not cut all at once, but one piece is cut off and put into the mouth. Eating from a knife is strictly prohibited.
Wipe your mouth with a napkin, and only then take a sip from the glass.
Never place cutlery on the tablecloth.
To pause during a meal, place the cutlery crosswise. After finishing, place the fork and knife parallel.
All leftover food - bones from meat, peels and seeds from fruits - are placed on your plate, and not on the tablecloth.
It is not customary to use a toothpick at the table - it is unaesthetic. Moreover, remove food using the tongue.
Don't force people to eat what they don't want and fill their glasses to the brim.
Smoking and shaking off the ashes into plates.

Do not forget that at the table they only talk about pleasant or funny things. So as not to spoil your mood and appetite, and not to spoil the impression of the meeting.

How to behave to be liked: tips

By following simple rules, you can get approval from the strictest people.

Don't worry

Everyone reacts differently to anxiety: they stiffen, giggle nervously, talk a lot, or show arrogance. It's not worth doing this. Even if a negative opinion about oneself can be corrected in the future, the first impression cannot be changed.

Be natural

The best solution is to show your will, calm down, and be natural. People value sincerity.

Refrain from excessive expression of feelings

A violent reaction, be it loud laughter, increased tone, discontent, will certainly cause bewilderment and leave an unpleasant aftertaste. It is also better for young people to refrain from hot hugs in order to save the older generation from embarrassment.

What to talk about

To begin with, you can touch on a neutral topic - the weather or everyday affairs, the work of one of those present. Afterwards, to create a closer atmosphere, you can remember the childhood of the young people and tell harmless stories from life.

In any case, avoid sharp corners and do not argue.

Inappropriate topics

When choosing topics for conversation, you should also think about what questions to avoid. Here are the areas that most often generate heated debate:

policy;
religion;
money;
health (medicine).

Each person usually has his own opinion on everything in these areas and tries to convince others that he is right. To avoid conflict, you need to choose more neutral topics.

In addition, any family has its own stories and questions that inevitably lead to disputes and aggression. It is worth talking to your families the day before, reminding them of such situations and asking them not to bring them up at the meeting.

If we are talking about a wedding, there is no need to go into details. If couples are not similar to each other and have their own opinions on everything, you can try not to talk about this topic at all. It would be wiser not to worry too much and try to relax.

Don't stay too long

It’s good if the meeting turns out to be concise.
Give couples enough time to get to know each other: appearance, manners, general information. One and a half to two hours is enough to make a first good impression. In long meetings, it is easier to find a stumbling block that will prevent further communication.

The show is just around the corner: what to do?

The main thing when preparing to meet your future mother-in-law is not to panic. During the screening, everyone is worried: the girl, the guy, and his family. Everyone wants to show their best side, but at the same time they want to remain sincere and open. Excitement can play a cruel joke, and instead of a sweet and kind daughter-in-law, the guy’s family will see a frightened and hysterical girl.

Before meeting with your parents, you need to ask your fiancé about family traditions and who works for whom. Find out which topics are best left out of conversation. It is also necessary to pay close attention to your appearance, since the first impression is often decisive. It is better to hold a viewing on the day when the whole family of your loved one is gathered.

Thinking through your appearance

When meeting with parents, it is advisable to dress simply and modestly. Neat blouses, casual dresses below the knee, light sweaters - the outfit should not show the girl as a “gray mouse”, but at the same time should reflect her tastes. But you should avoid bright colors, miniskirts, high-heeled shoes and provocative cutouts.

One of the main components of a successful image is neatness. It is necessary to style your hair, apply light makeup, and tidy up your nails. When it comes to perfumes, it is better to give preference to light and fresh aromas. The girl’s task is to look natural, simple and tasteful in front of her beloved’s parents.

Do I need to give something?

At the first meeting, gifts are not needed, since such a gesture may be perceived as a “bribe.” But you can buy something for tea, and if there are small children in the family, it is recommended to buy simple toys for them. Before buying sweets, you need to ask the guy if his relatives have allergies or other contraindications. There is no need to bake cookies or cakes yourself - there is a risk that the culinary masterpiece will not be to the taste of the owner of the house.

How to behave?

At a meeting with parents you need to be friendly, polite and restrained. Offer your help if you need to set the table or do other housework. Try to sincerely laugh at jokes, ask your loved one’s family about things that are interesting to them.

You shouldn’t talk a lot about yourself - this can make you seem narcissistic. If your boyfriend's parents ask you about past relationships or other awkward questions, answer honestly. Even if the answer may upset your future mother-in-law a little, it is better than showing yourself to be a liar or a hypocrite.

Useful tips

Throughout the dinner, the young couple should act as a link. Be ready to defuse the situation at any moment. After all, who else, if not them, knows their family best?

Tips for the Groom

For a girl’s mother and father, especially for the father, it is very important to know that they are giving their beloved child in good hands. A man must show himself to be serious, responsible and loving.

Tips for the bride

Everyone loves modest girls, so it’s better to say a little, smile sweetly and show your care and love for your future husband.

Tips for parents

They should be tactful and not focus on their child. Try to find out more about future relatives, showing sincere interest.

If you think through all the details and approach the issue of dating wisely, no problems will arise. But even if you didn’t manage to get to know each other the way the bride and groom dreamed, don’t worry. In the end, it is the young people who get married, not their families. And it is their relationship that will play a major role in family life.

What to talk about at the first meeting

How to behave when meeting someone and what to talk about at a meeting?

To make parents more comfortable, it is better to come up with a list of topics for conversation in advance. If there is an awkward pause, you can suggest a general topic , for example, about dating young people or childhood. It should be remembered that not all topics are good for conversation. Politics, like other topics that can cause heated debate, are best avoided.

On the eve of the meeting, it is better to discuss with mom and dad all the awkward moments that may arise: questions that are better not to ask or stories that are better not to tell. In general, prepare mentally for meeting future relatives.

It is better to meet matchmakers without touching on the topic of the upcoming wedding. All planning issues can be postponed for a later meeting or left to decide what kind of wedding the wedding will be like.

The main rule when dating is to relax . Even if the relationship between the couple’s relatives does not work out, this does not in any way prevent the newlyweds from being happy in their marriage. Meeting matchmakers does not oblige you to friendship or any close communication in the future, after the wedding. Polite communication on common holidays will be quite enough.