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Women and men approach weddings and marriage very differently. For a woman, a wedding is a confirmation of a man’s serious intentions, the transition of relationships to a completely new level, the beginning of a new life. Men do not perceive a wedding this way; many do not see the point in marriage, and they regard a wedding as a waste of money. What should you do to encourage a man to propose?
Pros of marriage
Show your partner what is good about family life. Some men see marriage as a boring routine. You must convince your partner, show that this is completely wrong. Go visit a happy married couple and talk about how marriage can make your life easier. A man must understand that a wedding is not as scary as he always thought, then he will reconsider his attitude towards marriage.
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Future together
In addition to factors such as your financial status, you need to find out whether he can imagine his future without you. Even if you were together for 3 years, don't think that means a man sees you together 30 years later.
This can be understood from his words: he uses words such as “we” and “our” when talking about the future, also discussing joint plans to buy a home, or even talking about children.
More passion
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Show your man that marriage with you will never become gray and mundane, and passions will always boil in your relationship. Surprise your partner with different sexual tricks, try to be different, experiment, try new things.
Feeling anxious? Perhaps your IQ is high!
What not to do
Some of these things are more serious than others, but you should be able to correct your mistakes either immediately or over time. If you have done any of the following, this does not mean that a man will never propose marriage to you. It just means you have to wait a bit. Your goal should be to get the relationship back on track and remind your betrothed why he loves you so that a proposal comes in the near future.
Don't repeat
If you have already told a man once that you want to marry him, believe that he heard you, so there is no need to repeat it. The more you talk about it, the less he hears you.
Tell your friends and family to stop talking about your future marriage
He and your family won't help you at all by constantly asking him when he's going to propose to you. He may feel that he is being lured. This in turn will add pressure when it is not needed. Your partner should be free to make this important decision. If you have a friend or family who constantly drop hints and think they are helping, thank them and ask them to stop.
Don't give an ultimatum
Many women make the mistake of giving a man an ultimatum: either he marries her or she leaves. At that moment it may seem like the best solution, you may think that an ultimatum will force him to act because he might lose you. In fact, you can achieve the opposite effect. Think about it, an ultimatum will make him think that it is easy for you to leave the relationship, so why get married if it is so easy for you to leave him.
4. Don't push too hard
If you are not sure whether your man is ready for marriage, then do not force it on him, it will only make the situation worse. If you know, for example, that he is not financially ready, then support him rather than push him into possible further debt. Many marriages break up in the first year due to financial problems.
Respite
Sometimes it's worth taking a break. Take a break from each other. Go on vacation with a friend, you can go to see your mother for the weekend, let your man go fishing with friends or just go to football. Time apart is a great opportunity to get bored and appreciate how dear you are to each other. In addition, a short separation is a wonderful test for feelings.
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Why do you need this?
The hero of the old Soviet film “Crew,” performed by the brilliant Filatov, complained about a woman’s eternal desire to get married: she provides for herself, does not depend on a man... Why?! Unclear…
And really, why? Can you explain to the harsh heart of a man how important this small and, in fact, does not change anything stamp in the passport is for a woman? And yet there is a whole list of reasons why ladies strive to get him.
- A formalized relationship seems more reliable to a woman, and the future more certain.
- Marriage makes you feel no worse than others. In a girl’s subconscious there is a strong mindset: since all her friends managed to run to the registry office, it means it’s time for me too. Preferably with a veil, a white limousine and a crowd of 500 guests.
- If a woman is morally mature for children, naturally she wants them to be born in a legal marriage.
- It also happens that there is simply an internal desire, not supported by any logic, to feel like the wife of a loved one.
- Finally, the material side plays an important role. Let the young lady earn good money herself and be able to pay for her purchases - reliable financial support in the form of her husband’s salary, which now goes to the family budget, gives her a sense of stability.
Think about why you so want to feel the ring on your finger? Lack of confidence in your partner? Do you want to be like everyone else? Or do you really understand that it is with this person that you want to go through life side by side until the very end, “for richer and for poorer”? The last reason is the only truly compelling reason to act.
Be feminine
Take care of yourself, be desirable, well-groomed. And most importantly, be wise. All of the above tips should be done subtly, otherwise, seeing your pressure, a man may be seriously scared. You should gently push your partner to take active action, but the initiative to get married should come only from him.
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This is a blog on psychology from a professional psychologist, in which significant attention is paid to the topics of psychological violence - abuse, narcissism, relationships, personal crises, taking responsibility for one's life, increasing self-esteem, existential problems. The cost of consulting a psychologist is 3000 rubles/hour, in person (Moscow, Maryina Roshcha metro station), or via Zoom About us/Make an appointment
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Transparent hint
There are many ways in which you can hint to your boyfriend about your desire for marriage. Some of them may work and some may not. Everyone is different and there is no one-size-fits-all method, so try each of the options below.
1. Casually start a conversation about marriage.
One of the things you can do is bring up the topic of marriage very subtly and casually to see how comfortable the man would be talking about it. This doesn't mean you have to ask him directly, you just need to subtly bring up the topic of marriage, but on a more general basis. For example, when watching a movie together, the main theme of which is the wedding of the main characters, you can ask what he thinks about a particular scene or what he would do in the place of the main character. Don't ask direct questions like how he would propose or how he envisions his ideal wedding, at this point you just want to start a conversation about weddings in general.
Another point is to not bring up the conversation about marriage from the very beginning, since he will know that this is what interests you.
2. Talk about the future
Another conversation you can start is your future together. Just like with conversations about marriage, make sure you do it casually and subtly rather than abruptly and unexpectedly.
At this point, you need to find out if marriage and your future together is something he is also thinking about or wants to talk about. Don't push right away and say you can't wait to have 8 kids, this will just scare him. You can tell if he wants to talk about the future, for example, while watching a movie. Ask him what he thinks you'll both look like when you're 80. If he keeps up the conversation and is willing to answer, then you can talk more directly about a future together. If a man avoids conversation, this may mean that he is not yet ready for marriage.
Start with very subtle and casual questions, and then over time you can ask more direct ones, such as: “If we lived together” or “If we had children” or even “If we got married.” The goal is to monitor his reaction.
3. Romantic setting
Sometimes the best thing to do is to give him a great opportunity on a trip or vacation. A romantic setting will create a relaxing and cozy atmosphere in which a man will understand that marriage is actually what he wants.
4. Hint that you don't want an expensive ring.
If you really want a big diamond on your hand, then this advice is not for you, otherwise you risk getting a cheap engagement ring and disappointment to boot.
5. Hint that you don't want an expensive wedding.
Just like with a hint that you don’t want an expensive engagement ring. In between, hint that you don't want a fancy wedding. If you don't mind a modest wedding that doesn't have a large banquet hall, seven courses, bouquets of fresh flowers and the best champagne, then mention it. This will help alleviate some of the financial burden that may come with deciding whether to make an offer.
Be a wife
Of course, staying playful and maintaining excitement in a relationship is very important. It is also worth showing the man that you are ready to become a wife and mother of his children. You can do this by preparing delicious lunches and dinners, taking care of him when he is sick, but at the same time you must be independent, show that you have ambitions to build a career. Show that you can be playful while still being mature. Your relationship should be mostly happy, and if you keep arguing and complaining about how unfair life is, your man may think that you're not really ready for something as serious as marriage.
It's time to control your emotions and show your man that you are confident, independent and mature, but also easy and enjoyable in a relationship. This ideal duet of traits will help a man understand that you are exactly the woman he wants to see as his wife.
7. Appreciate your man
How nice it is when a man compliments your dress or hairstyle. But do you praise him in return? You might be surprised, but men have feelings too and will be happy to know that they are appreciated. Your man is happy when you're happy, so if you keep nagging him about what he's doing wrong, he'll think you're not 100% happy in the relationship. Show your appreciation by thanking him again after he fixes something, or telling him how good he looks in that shirt. If a man feels valued, he will strive to do more to please you and one day realize that marriage will make you even happier.
8. Take care of yourself
This doesn't mean you always have to wear full makeup all day or wear your best clothes. However, you should take care of yourself, take time to do what you enjoy, and take pride in your appearance. Men are attracted to women who are confident, independent, but still feminine in any situation, so make sure you have all of these traits. If you are too dependent on your man, start building your own life, meet friends, build a career, find a hobby.
9. Meet family friends more often
Surround your man with married friends. If you have mutual friends who are married, then be sure to spend time with them, go to a cafe or invite them to dinner. If they are as happy as they were before marriage, then your man may feel confident that marriage will not bring negative changes to your relationship.
How to act is prohibited?
Pressure on a partner is more likely to destroy the relationship than help achieve the goal.
No man will tolerate coercion in such an important matter. If you really expect a long and happy family life, forget about:
- Direct requirements. Foot stomping and shouting: “Propose to me quickly!” will not lead to anything good.
- Playing on feelings : “If you don’t marry, it means you don’t love.” Is not a fact. Maybe he loves, but it takes a long time to sway.
- Threats . Saying: “Either we get married or we break up” is only allowed if you are really ready for a breakup.
- Pressure through relatives. If the parents of your chosen one like you, you can attract them to be your allies, but be extremely careful. Pressure from both sides can cause a man to become defensive, and you will forever lose your chance of marriage with this person.
- Hurry . If he is, in principle, inclined to think about marriage, do not ruin everything with unnecessary haste. Push the man forward delicately, but don’t give him years to think about it. Set a deadline for yourself that you are willing to wait for and stick to it.
Why doesn't a man propose?
Sometimes a woman accuses herself of not being worthy of her chosen one, and doubts whether she is loved, since the man does not propose. Do not rush to draw conclusions in this situation. Find out first: perhaps the man is an inveterate bachelor and is very happy with the current state of affairs? A young man meets with you, it’s convenient, but he’s in no hurry to “spoil his passport with a stamp” and register the marriage. Even if you live together and run a joint household, the man feels absolutely free.
There are other reasons when a man is in no hurry to propose to a woman or go to the registry office: a wedding is not included in the plans. A guy at a crossroads: is this the woman next to him to stay close to old age? What if an even better party meets tomorrow? Sometimes a man is timid by nature, but here a woman needs to take the initiative into her own hands. Another common reason is household problems. Without his own home or permanent job, a man is in “limbo” and does not want to risk his future together, postponing his marriage proposal for better times.
Men's fears before marriage
A man’s fear of losing independence and freedom is only part of the experience. To a greater extent, young people are afraid of the unknown associated with the new stage of their life. Concerns that with the beginning of official family life, the number of responsibilities and everyday worries will increase, and there will be little time for personal hobbies and interests, are sometimes partially justified.
In most cases, it depends on the woman how the man feels on the eve of the wedding, whether doubts have arisen about the correctness of the decision made. Mutual help to each other at the moment when you need to step over this line called “wedding” can promote peace, love and harmony for many years. Everything that happens in life or, on the contrary, does not happen, depends only on the man and woman.
